finding the words

There are some things I would like to say, some experiences I would like to share, but I really can't. What I need to do is be able to say something, without admitting to it. Release my feelings on the matter and derive the meaning and revelation from it without obviously giving away my experiences. Why can I not tell you? I couldn't say that, for that would make it obvious.

If you find this post random and disjointed then I apologize for not being able to make it clearer. I have nothing to hide but everything to fear, and every reason to allow. Read this with careful consideration.

Who am I but me? Who is the other but themself? Who are they when they make these choices?

What is life but for living? What is love but for feeling? What are relationships but for indulging and relenting?

Where will it take me? Where will we go? Where am I but here?

Why do things happen but for the hell of it? Why is this happening but for good reasons? Why don't they know?

When will it end? When can I leave? When is the time but now?

I am not waffling or nervous as it seems I am with all these questions. Most of them are rhetorical, hints, or there just to throw you off. I'm not confused or anxious or self conscious or discombobulated or baffled. I'm not letting myself go against something I have set my mind to, nor am I doing anything or thinking about anything rash. I'm not convincing myself of something that is obviously false or true avoidable or unavoidable.

I'm simply letting my faith get the best of me... my faith that my speculated fear has no need in the current situation. I'm letting my brain catch up to my feelings and the rest of myself.

I just hope that my fear is not justified, my brain will catch up quickly, and that I can go about this with as much natural instinct and pleasantness as possible. But yes... I feel good about it. Whatever "it" is.