in a desperate effort to explain

Many of my posts are efforts to define myself by what I have experienced, what I spend my time with, and what my preferences and thoughts about everything is. I try to describe who I am somehow with a compilation of seemingly random things that hopefully will give this sense of "me" some meaning.

That statement started as an observation, and ended with some melancholy feeling, in all honestly.

There seemed an insufficient amount of documentation for myself. I seemed to often forget or disregard these things about myself which would seem obvious to anyone else, or are key aspects to how I behave and what I like. I often forget my fears, I rarely see my normal facial expressions, and I dared not analyze my doubts and emotionally disturbing feelings. All I wanted to do was feel better and have people take me for who "I" was, whoever that was. Now I want to know, remember, and apply all this to my life so that I do not feel so lost. If someone is taking me for who I am, I'd like to know why. And if I like someone, I'd like to recognize that they actually are complimentary to who I am. And to do this, I need to know who I am. It's a necessity of life.

Perhaps this obsession for self analyzation began when I realized there was no one who knew everything about me, including myself. If there is one thing I need to know in this life it is who I am. For the more I know, the better my life feels. The less obscure and surreal my decisions seem to be, and the more I am comfortable speaking my mind, for I know what my mind actually thinks.

There is nothing I would love more than a few short words to sum up myself. I'm not sure if there is an end to the things that could be said about me.

This is not to say that I am generic or that everything could be said about me, or that everything said would not be completely contradictory or nonsensical. A lot of things could be said. This is all. Often I try to think about myself with a grouping of things that hopefully, barely anyone else has also:

I prefer washing my hands in cold water, spending most of my time in socks, and have acute Arachnophobia. Canned pears are about the greatest thing in the world. I have to fight to not spend the majority of my time doing very mindless and tedious things like sharpening pencils and peeling labels off my possessions. I'm Jewish. Usually I wear either loose braids hanging in front or a side ponytail hanging low in front. My sense of humor is almost normal, finding the most subtly offbeat, coincidental, or awkward things the most hilarious. I get anxiety before asking for direction towards an item in stores from employees, and I rehearse concise and respectful language before speaking. When I was younger, I must have had a slight case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, for I insisted on keeping the movements on either side of my body even. I had a fascination with sex long before I was supposed to know about it, and long before I actually did. I started wearing glasses in 4th grade. I never had braces. I was never stung by a bee. I hate American cheese. My boyfriend bought me a locket this past Valentine's Day. Autumn is my favorite season. Ethnically, I'm mostly Dutch. I like foreign films. I like interpreting art. There are some mechanical things that involve wheels which I find ingenious beyond measure. My favorite color is purple.

How many people do you know that all that is true about? Hopefully none =/