playing doctor

My boyfriend's little sister is eight years old. I often play with her, whether it be house or tea party or hide-and-go-seek. Yesterday, she wanted to play doctor after I had pretended to cut open her skull and remove her brain.

She understands fully the line between reality and pretend. I asked her if she has had an x-ray before and she whispered "you mean in real life?", as if the pretend world before us would hear her if she spoke too loudly. She seemed more interested in the diagnosis and solution rather that the procedures, she would walk out of the room for more patients and tell me to finish the surgery on my own.

I was the doctor, she was my assistant. Her stuffed animals were our patients.

We had many common devices used in hospitals, improvised from objects around us. A stethoscope, a blood pressure device, a scalpel, a stapler, masks, gloves, a clipboard, and a cage for the replacement donor brains.

Mr. and Mrs. Dog came into my office and my assistant read me their problem from their paperwork. "They can't have puppies, they've tried everything!", she said. I was a little impressed at the sophistication of the scenario, but I figured she saw the very some problem on television somewhere. I was thinking I may have to let her down and say there is nothing we can do, if I wanted to avoid teaching her about the birds and the bees.

I contemplated giving Mrs. Dog some fertility drugs, pretending to reverse Mr. Dog's visectomy, suggesting different positions to the couple, or sending them to a sperm bank, but I thought that take too much explanation I didn't feel right giving her just yet. So I said there were some things we might be able to recommend to them, "but I think their best option is to refer them to an orphanage". She takes out 4 little tiny dog stuffed animals, and says that they have to keep the dogs who were sisters together. She lines them up and says "Let's see which one they like the best!" I tried to tell her that the couple could only afford to adopt one puppy, but I realized that making that decision would make her feel like life was unfair, so I said they would adopt all four puppies, and justified it in my mind by saying that dogs have litters of four or more puppies all the time.

A problem with playing doctor with an eight year old, is attempting to use as few medical words as possible, asking if she knows what complicated words mean, and having propmt understandable explanations of these words. I had to explain to her what a spinal chord was when she said the lamb's leg's "didn't work". Instead of telling her that the quadriplegic lamb had a near to none chance of regaining the use of her limbs, I said we could operate on her spinal chord.

After this point, I realized how hard it was to play this with her. I didn't know how realistic I was supposed to be. Do I tell her some things are hopeless? Can I ever tell her there is a high possibility of death?

She brought in some deaf and blind baby dolls for me to cure, and I said that I wouldn't operate on infants because it is a liability issue, and that it would be hard to tell if a baby was deaf, anyway. Then she picks up a monkey doll from the Dora the Explorer television show that says three different phrases when you squeeze it's belly. "He won't say anything else!", she says. I told her we'd send him to the psychiatry office on the third floor with Dr. Danny. (The room my boyfriend was playing video games in).

Another thing about playing with her in a pretend world which is supposed to be orderly and professional, such as a hospital or a tea party, is she behaves very well, is far more courteous than usual, and pretends to be an adult, saying things about herself which she admires in her role models, or saying that the things her real self does are bad. I was the pediatrician, and she was a mother of three infants. She said that her babies watch too much TV, and that they yell and scream when someone tries to turn it off. "They should only watch 3 shows a day, but they watch 10!" This is what she does in real life, she watches TV constantly. I then ask her, "What is their diet like? ...Um...what do they eat?" and she tells me how much candy and soda and "all the things that are unhealthy they eat" (just like her).

The pretend world is allowing her to be honest about what she does in reality, and what she feels bad about doing. It shows that she really does know when she is doing things she shouldn't be doing, and that she does have the capability of both recognizing it, and changing the way she acts to be more agreeable.

She just has to think she is playing for that to happen. That way, it's fun to behave.

Happy birthday, Bloggy!

Exactly one year ago, (to the minute!) this blog was born (see screen shot of birth on right). I introduced myself to my blog as it's caretaker and provider, I made sure no one would harm it by having a password that blogger said was "strong". I gave my blog a name that would make it successful, and a home by deciding it's URL. I dressed it up nicely in pretty colors with my chosen background and font colors, and I showed it to the world as my little blog.

My little blog has now grown up a bit, and I am so proud; it has accomplished so much in this year, and I see promising things coming from it in the future.

So far, my blog has been well behaved. Thankfully, it has had no inclination to participate in that "team blogging" thing that is so popular these days. The server has not failed, losing all of my entries, and for that I am thankful. I have not been stalked by creepy perverts through my blog (at least I think) and I have not developed Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from the long expanses of time rapidly typing stream of consciousness.

So thank you, Moderately Entertaining. You have thanked me for all I have done by attracting comments and readers! I really like that part of our relationship.

365 days, 100 posts. Is this a coincidence happening without my manipulation or have I busted my hump to meet this deadline in order for my blogiversary to be just that much more special?

Determine what you will.

In 100 posts (including the posts' titles, and also those quotes on the sidebar), I have written 36, 102 words. This averages to about 361 words per post. Also, keep in mind that several posts had minimal words and displayed a picture of some sort, so this is a lower average compared to an average of the posts who's main event is the words as opposed to the pictures.

If a picture is worth 1000 words, and I have posted exactly 103 pictures (including profile picture) to help explain, add to, enhance, or compose my entries, then this adds to 139,102 words for my 100 posts.

Averaged, I have done a post every 3.65 days. Every day I have written an average of about 99 words. (not including the 101,000 words for pictures OR the posts I have as drafts).

73 comments have been made (including ones made by myself) on this blog in one year. This averages .73 comments per post, and .2 comments per day this past year.

note: The fact that this post is the last of the hundred posts has been accounted into all statistics within this post.

"Up" review

Pixar's recent film entitled Up has gained much positive response from critics and viewers from a large age range. If have seen this movie or have no intention of seeing it then please read this. If you are planning on seeing it soon, then wait until that time to read this review. I don't want to make you think something and then have you resent the movie, I want you to formulate your own opinion and then disagree with me. It's much more fun that way.

synopsis: Boy and girl like adventure from a young age, they are married and have a wonderful life together. They have dreams of traveling to South America and having their house on top of Paradise Falls.Woman is old and dies. She gives her husband her "Adventure Book". The man does not want to go to a retirement home (and let the company take his property) because the house is something he deeply associates with his belated wife. Upon agreement to be taken to a home, thousands of inflated balloons through the chimney lift his house into the air and he is on his way to accomplish the dream he and his wife never fulfilled.

He is looking near the waterfall, but the balloons do not have enough inflation to bring him over the gap in the land to his destination. He straps the garden hose to himself and the accidental boy-scout stowaway, and they make their way over to the waterfall by foot. Along the way, they bump into a talking dog with a collar which allows him to speak his thoughts. The dog's owner is searching for an exotic bird whom has been following the boy and the man for a few minutes of the story. They make it to the waterfall. The man reads his wife's Adventure Book in the "stuff I'm going to do" section, and there are wedding pictures and pictures of their children and pictures of their house. She leaves him a note in the back: "Go have your own adventure. -Ellie"

The man promises the boy that he will keep the bird safe from the owner of the dog. The villain, the owner of this dog and thousands alike to him, tries to kill the man and boy to get the exotic bird. Irony: the villain is a famous TV/movie adventure star whom the man admired as a child. It all ends up great blah blah villain dies.

The good things:

1) The trip to South America shows the great lengths he goes in order to accomplish his belated wife's dream, and the balloons the great heights of his ambition. All this shows his devotion and heartbreak.
2) The boyscout enforces the "adventure" point of the story. How it can be frivolous and childlike and meaningless, be taken too far, and produce great reward and pride. He also serves as a companion to the man which keeps the story and the main character lighthearted throughout struggle and despair. The growing friendship in the story shows a progression of the main character from bitter and mourning his wife, to warm-heartedness and acceptance.
3) His wife's note shows that he did not need to fulfill their dream to please her. That they had their adventure, and it was a good one. It shows both that his want to accomplish this was a result of his sadness, and it allows him to realize this, and have peace with his accomplished life-long dream.

The bad things:

1) The fact that he goes and has his "own adventure" does NOT send me the message that he is getting over the death of his wife. In fact, it sends me me the opposite message that he is displacing his grief and sorrow into a want for more fun and near death.
2) His want to protect this bird is a sign of his desire for the boy's love. They want the character to seem as if he does this because of his compassion for the bird and not wanting it to be captured, but to me it seems that he is so lonely from the death of his wife, that he wants someone to like him. He goes to far too great measures to accomplish this.
3) This movie does not explain the reason why the boy wants to "save" the bird from the villain and why the villain wants to KILL them to get this bird. We have no idea if this man wants to kill the bird for dinner or for a coat from it's colorful feathers or for scientific observance or for a circus! They don't tell us anything, and it makes the entire struggle of "keeping it safe" seem stupid and unjustified.
4) The villain was on a quest for this bird for many years, just as the main character was on a quest to have a house in South America. The both had a goal, they both wanted it with all their heart. The protagonist achieves his goal, while the antagonist dies plummeting towards the jungle from miles above ground. WHY? Why do they NEGATE their own POINT of trying to accomplish your goals? Was what the villain wanted so horrible that he should DIE on his way?
5) The talking dogs. Oh god how I hated them. They made no sense, they were thrown in, they had nothing to do with anything.
6) The villain was someone that the main character admired as a boy. Are they trying to send the message that kids should not have role models? That adventure actually is evil? I don't see the point in having him be this person. I see opposite meaning in it. Perhaps they said it should be him for the shock of the reveal of character, and also the fact that creating a new character would be hard to do and feel insignificant. There is ONE way his character could work. And that would be that the main character feels that everything he has ever known (or admired) is turning his back on him. That just before he accomplishes his goal, things continue to get in his way. But he still yet deals with the villain after he accomplishes it, so it makes no sense in this context either.

My points:

THERE WAS NO NEED FOR HIM TO HAVE ANOTHER ADVENTURE! The Adventure Book showed him the adventure he had. There was no need. No need. His adventure was having his life with Ellie AND making it to Paradise Falls.

THERE WAS NO NEED FOR THE VILLAIN! He went against the "you can do anything you want to do" moral, as he died trying to achieve it. He distracted us from the reason the main character is in South America. There were already villains in this story. First, we had Man vs. Himself with his struggle of missing his wife, and this continues throughout the story. Then, it was Man vs. Society with the company wanting his property and everyone saying he should leave his house. Finally, it was Man vs. Nature as he flies though storms and makes his way through the jungle towards his destination. There was plenty enough villain in this story for me without an actual character to think is evil.

When they start the alternate plot line, with the talking dogs and the villain, the symbolism of the house and balloons, and his physical struggle in making his way there, and even the colorful bird is RUINED. They make all this beautiful imagery be taken completely literally. They use it as an excuse for violence and near death and excitement. The main character is fighting for something that makes no sense with his past wants, and that is not for pure "adventure", like his wife suggested. Her note in the book was not for him to endanger his life, it was for him to not dwell, and have fun. I can hardly call fighting for your life fun, I call it stressful.

I think a better ending would have been suicide off the waterfall after he reads the book. But the note from Ellie should not be there. But this would be the grownup version of the story, that's not really a good look for Disney.

Overall:

I loved this story. I liked how it addresses death in a child movie. I liked how the montage of his life with Ellie hints toward a stork delivering their baby, I absolutely loved the scene where he looks at the Adventure book on the waterfall (it made me cry). I liked the bird, I even kind of liked the first talking dog only because it annoyed the man so much. I really did like the movie until they introduced the villain. The movie got severely boring for me after that point, and I wished for it to end.

Also, the real title of this movie is "The Spirit of Adventure". The first few minutes of the movie shows these words several times, so I am sure it must have been the working title until they thought up the alternate plot line when Disney said "we should Disney this up a bit" and then it couldn't be called that anymore because that was the name of the villain's blimp and it would be blatantly stupid to have the point of the story OBVIOUSLY negated like that, rather than discreetly.

hopefully

this summer I will:

• finish that book I keep renewing
• check out other books and read them also
• buy my school books for fall
  
• go running and play soccer with my boyfriend
• make him do yoga
• do my laundry and not wear the same outfit for several days
  
• clean my room (and keep it in that state)
  
• swim a lot
• see many movies
• continue blogging
• have frequent outings and get-togethers with friends both long-lost and current
• remember to practice viola
• learn new songs on guitar
• see live music performances
  
• continue self taught music theory lessons with the internet and my keyboard
• construct daisy chains in the park and watch clouds go by while I lie in the grass
• have quality time with friends and family
• eat something other than top ramen on a regular basis
• not get dehydrated
• draw something, anything
• do the WASL testing I missed when I was sick that one day
• write something that I don't post on this blog
• camp, maybe
• take a dance class
• picnics
• throw birthday party

The school year is over. My final grades are decent. Well, more than decent. Actually, they are really really good. So good, it's going to raise my cumulative high school GPA. Raise it. =) So, good year it was. I am ready to relax for the summer, have my fun, and then start at junior college next fall with the college-in-high-school program. yay. Have a nice summer everyone, I'll keep you posted on my progress on these goals.

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind"

I will do my best to have this be the only post I ever do that is about Shakespeare. This being said, I have to cover all my Shakespearean history and all my thoughts on his work.

As a child, I don't know how young, my favorite VHS tape was A Midsummer Night's Dream, directed by Michael Hoffman, and I have been told that I watched it constantly. I suppose that I understood the plot or I would have not liked it much. Maybe I only liked the costumes of the fairies and the easily understood comedic elements of parts. Being young, I probably didn't fully understand the plots of any movies that were not made by Disney, anyway.

In 7th grade, English class required the reading of this play. I enjoyed the reading of it, and had fun with the small part of the combined roles of Cobweb, Peaseblossem and Mustardseed in the scene my group was assigned. Playing 3 different fairies at once, I found out a way to duck behind objects in the room to make it seem, at least I thought, as if I really was different fairies appearing from all directions.

That year, I met my best friend who is a Shakespeare fan and had been in her elementary school production of A Midsummer Night's Dream as Puck. Her favorite plays by Shakespeare, besides A Midsummer Night's Dream are As You Like It, and Twelfth Night.

I remember being taken to see Hamlet at some point many years ago. In 9th grade, English class had us read Romeo and Juliet. I really liked it. 10th grade, we read Macbeth. I really liked that too.

Last summer, my best friend once again starred as Robin Goodfellow as she had in 6th grade, this time in a production not tied with the school. She earned herself the front page of the local newspaper. Her performance was amazing, showing brilliant understanding and interpretation of the text, and letting her own personality, very fitting to the role, shine through in her manner enough for my personal viewing of the part be extremely comical.

Just recently I went to see the school production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. It was not especially wonderful. I have dislikes of some of the acting styles of the regular students whom appear in the school plays and musicals. Some actors I was quite impressed with. Helena and Demetrius have been accused of having an offstage infatuation with each other, which made the kiss they shared near the end of the play quite interesting, play aside. Not to mention the acting of the two, which nearly stole the show from Puck, who was quite accomplished in her interpretation of character.

While studying Macbeth, English class watched a movie that explained why Shakespeare is a genius playwright. The plays were targeted towards the "groundlings", it said. These were the poor, uneducated people who paid only one penny to be admitted to a play, allowed to do this to fill up the space right before show time. Because the plays were written for the groudlings, the easily understood jokes and the catchy descriptive phrases were repeated in homes and therefore used for centuries afterward.

Shakespeare seems complicated because it is written in a language that we barely understand today. When we are able to finally understand the meaning of the words, it seems ingenious still for it's mastery of rhyme and syllabus*. After we get past this, perhaps even think it is stupid, there is still the matter of plot. Maybe the meaning of the words that is being used to show the plot seems simplistic and exaggerated, which is offsetting when trying to extract what is happening and why, but the meaning of what is happening, and the way it describes life is intriguing. These plays may have been written to attract approval of an audience, but when analyzed, the literal actions of characters explain and question human nature and and thought.

If the obvious moral or idea that is shown from the play is only how deep the meaning goes, I am not sure. For me, it is often hard for me to even get this far with these plays when I have to go through the steps of even understanding what they are saying and who is who.

Anyway, that is all I have to say on the matter on Shakespeare.

* note: not a real word in this context

fundamental jazzaversary

The Edmonds Jazz Connection was satisfying as it was last year. It was a treat for this event to coincide with my and my boyfriend's 6th month anniversary for it gave us an excuse to spend the entire day together, but also because I wanted him to experience something that he knows I love, but knows nothing about and does not understand why.

We started off the day at 10am in the Combo venue. My boyfriend sat bored and gazed with envy at my brother's active DS. I suggested he focus on the different musicians or close his eyes or tap his foot to get into it but he just remained looking sad and bored while i nodded my head and grinned at the talented performers. It was worrying to me that the entire day would be a bad experience for him but I thought maybe he would find the big bands more engaging and understandable.

At the big band venue, he liked a few slow balled songs. But whenever the tempo or dynamics increased, he would clench his hands to the arm rest and his leg would shake uneasily. It was quite extreme also, I was amazed and concerned but somehow not insulted. Big band isn't my favorite part of jazz, but it doesn't make me tense up. I was astonished. I couldn't really wrap my mind around the fact that jazz, of all things, was making my boyfriend extremely edgy. I had noticed before that all his favorite music is low key and mid to slow tempo, but I didn't think fast and exciting music would be this disturbing to him.

I stroked his arm and took deep breaths to instruct him to relax, but it was not helping him that much. I think he really dislikes the sound of trumpets, for whenever they would play he would tense his entire body. I admit that jazz is a little offsetting sometimes with it's sometimes unpredictable patterns and turns, but I associate that feeling of being on the verge of something else with a feeling of peace, not noises that you can't control which are scary and threatening.

I started to realize that the reason someone would feel edgy was because they don't understand the music. They don't understand how to tap their foot to it or count it or what chord progression will obviously happen or what noises are coming from which instruments.

I was softly tapping my hand with the music on his leg to help him get into it but he didn't understand that's what I was doing. At a song which had a rhythm resembling a heartbeat, I tapped on his chest. He asked "That's my heartbeat?" as if I had felt it and I was showing him. I looked at him and realized he couldn't tell that I was tapping to the music. He has trouble clapping with music and he can't really tap his foot without watching someone else do it first to a song.

It mystified me. I had always been able to dance and do musical things intuitively. And with musical training I have gotten to the next levels of understanding.

We left the venue and I was relived to see him relax a bit. We headed to the vocal jazz venue because I hoped that would feel more soothing to him. On the way there, I starting teaching him about simple music theory. I told him about counting, and that if a song is in 4/4, that you will count from 1 to 4 and then over and over again. And that in jazz, and also reggae, the emphasis of the count is on 2 and 4. This confused him a lot, so I demonstrated with the song "Mary had a little lamb." Once, while snapping 1 and 3 and singing normally. And again, while snapping 2 and 4 and singing with those emphasis. He didn't understand it, but he did say that he could tell there was a difference. I had him snap and say "1, 2!, 3, 4!" He got the hang of that.

In the vocal venue I took out a little (very little) composition notebook. I wrote a few things down for him, distinguishing the difference between a beat, and a rhythm. A woman next to me asked "ooh what's that? A composition?" It was a whole note and then two half notes on a staff with no lines with 1, 2, 3, 4 written above it. Crappy composition if you ask me. But the funny thing was that it was in a composition notebook, which she did not know and I realized the hilarity of later. I suppose it was a composition.

I once again tapped my hand on his leg, and this time I said "2, 4, 2, 4" once in awhile to him if he looked over. He said he liked the vocal a lot better than the other two styles. He started tapping his foot on tempo, on beat. I was so proud.

We headed to the combo venue again after a bit, and I told him more about music. And the more I told him, the more he asked. He is a quick learner, and he asks good questions, so it went along well and he learned a lot. Outside the building we sat on a bench instead of going inside, he didn't feel like listening more yet. I took out my trusty tiny composition notebook and started scribbling staffs and pianos and note names and definitions while I explained everything.

In the lesson he learned the applied definition and definition of beat, rhythm, percussion, measure, note, tone, clef, time signature, chord, key, interval, and tempo. I didn't have time to tell him about harmony, which is quite fundamental when listening to a band or choir. But impressive, huh? He asked me very good questions, like "how many notes are there in a beat?" To which I demonstrated the different note values and their notations, and explained that you can have between 0 and as many as humanly possible. I drew a piano to show him a chord and how to make a chord major or minor. And I showed him the three clefs and what this means. I feel quite proud of myself, but he really is a quick learner. I taught him how to read the wine blessing in Hebrew 10 minutes before Seder on Passover.

When we went into the combo venue again, and he didn't seem as bored anymore. And without my help, I saw him mouthing counts. Yay!

6 times 7

Why was it, that upon the realization that it would be impossible to calculate the immensity of the universe, mathematicians concluded that it must be infinity large?

I know, I know, there are many scientific and logically deductive reasons for coming to this conclusion other than what I will soon say, such as the theory of an expanding universe, and black holes; but for the sake of argument, let's look past these for the moment and assume that the infinite universe is an idea that was concluded without much factual evidence.

If we have no knowledge of when, why, if something ends, or what is beyond it, do we have to view it as infinite? Because we have no reason to think otherwise, and no evidence, we have to tell ourselves it is unmeasurable, and consistently the same of what we know already, but forever. We do this to cope with not knowing what is beyond.

Everything in our literal understanding has an end. An individual life, food, a ruler, a song. Why is the universe, a literal thing (or rather, a literal everything), clumped into the same category as ideas and ideologies such as God, numbers, and love, which usually have no end, and are therefore called infinite in many circumstances.

The universe may end! It is said that it is hard to grasp the thought of infinity. But really, I think it is the opposite. Infinity is hard to explain rationally and prove, but the thought is simple: never ending. The idea of ending has to be explained, and is not able to be accepted if it cannot be explained. We feel that we must know everything to have peace with ourselves. As a result, if we think that the universe goes on infinitely the same way that we see now, then we are theoretically not missing out on knowing how it ends, or anything within it, that is not in our sight.

We just don't know what the truth of the question is. We don't know how far it goes, if it ever does end, or what might be differing from what we assume is within it.

This being said, is it better for one to have peace with a likely false idea, or for one to spend the time to accept what they can not know?