Wednesday, August 4, 2010

it's been awhile

Ignore my absence.

I love the feeling that I am starting a new chapter in my life. Whenever I am starting something that gives me the opportunity to alter myself or my life, it gives me a great sense of establishment. It allows me to look at my entire life leading up to this point, and decide how I want to spend the next part of it, and if I should change something. In this way, I am attempting to always look forward. I never want the blank space between the chapters to be very long, because this means I am lost, and I don't know what to write.

It feels like I am in a constant state of transition between one thing and the next, but this doesn't produce a positive mindset. If I thought that, then I would have no direction, because I wouldn't know what I was transitioning to. If there is barely any blank space between the chapters, or maybe none at all, then I have already started my new chapter, and I must decide what to do with it right away.

A new chapter is usually defined by a new school quarter, relationship, project, opportunity, or state of mind. (The state of mind is always required for a new chapter, but it is only self aware in some circumstances.) The reason I'm thinking about this is because I am concerned about my blank space. I think that I started a new chapter without planning, and I still don't know what to write. I have ideas, lots of ideas, but it's hard to decide which to follow. How can I write a sensible plot without a plan?

Do I need a plan? At this point I have lots of ideas about school and relationships and projects, but I am completely unsure of what my state of mind should be. In other chapter beginnings, I was content with the excitement of the new opportunity for my focus. My intent was to explore the opportunities to the best of my ability. For some reason, that excitement is not enough this time, and I still feel like I have no direction.

It's difficult when I don't have some of the characters as in the last chapter, and I have to decide if others are worth to be in my story. New characters are hard to come by, but I think that's what I need. Instead of choosing from opportunities in front of me to give my life direction, I will create new ones by meeting new people and having new experiences.

Monday, November 23, 2009

starting at the beginning

There is a range of notes, theoretically, that goes infinitely high and infinitely low. Even though this is true, we can not hear a large amount of them because of our limited auditory receptors. Also, there is an infinite amount of notes, theoretically, in between any two notes, or any half step. "How is this possible??" you ask. And then I answer:

Imagine the infinite amount of tones I described as a slide whistle, or a trombone, that is infinitely long. The range will never end, you can always make the note you play higher, or lower. Hypothetical situation: on that slide there will be a place where someone tells you is a C note. Then, they will let you know that to play a C sharp, you must slide up an inch. "If you slide too much, the note will be too sharp, and if you slide not enough, the note will be too flat." they say.

Pertaining to this, I have a question. Aren't those tones, that are between that C and that C sharp, still notes? Why do they not have names, why do we never use them? Why, out of all the ways one could divide an infinite stream of tones, do we divide them into octaves? Why do the note names, as a scale continues upward, repeat after 8 notes? Why, on a piano, are there only 12 note names? Just 12...

Is there actually something, physically, either in the sound wave or the way we perceive the wave, the "same" about a C in one octave and a C in the next octave. Musicians like myself are able to tell when given two notes in different octaves, if they have the same note name or not. How?? Have we just been trained, through years of hearing and playing music based on octaves to think that they sound similar; or do they actually, literally, technically, sound alike?

Imagine if our defined note names were closer together on the infinite slide. Our half step used to be C and C sharp, they were an inch apart on this slide. Now we have new note names--Z and Y--and they are only half an inch from each other on the slide. We used to go from C to C on our piano with 12 notes. Now, how about we only have 10 notes, from Z to Z.

Would anyone be able to make music out of this system, or would it feel so repulsive that we could not bring ourselves to understand or appreciate it. And if were too repulsive, then would this be because of our innate sense of music that we are born with (to think in scales of 8 and certain amounts of space between notes), or because of our learned sense of music from society?

Saturday, November 21, 2009

my friend id

note: this post is not about the instinctual aspect of human thought, as theorized by Sigmund Freud.

Today, id told me something pleasing.

"id like to tell you something," grunted id. "im going to start checking my spelling more often. o.O"

Good for im!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

playing doctor

My boyfriend's little sister is eight years old. I often play with her, whether it be house or tea party or hide-and-go-seek. Yesterday, she wanted to play doctor after I had pretended to cut open her skull and remove her brain.

She understands fully the line between reality and pretend. I asked her if she has had an x-ray before and she whispered "you mean in real life?", as if the pretend world before us would hear her if she spoke too loudly. She seemed more interested in the diagnosis and solution rather that the procedures, she would walk out of the room for more patients and tell me to finish the surgery on my own.

I was the doctor, she was my assistant. Her stuffed animals were our patients.

We had many common devices used in hospitals, improvised from objects around us. A stethoscope, a blood pressure device, a scalpel, a stapler, masks, gloves, a clipboard, and a cage for the replacement donor brains.

Mr. and Mrs. Dog came into my office and my assistant read me their problem from their paperwork. "They can't have puppies, they've tried everything!", she said. I was a little impressed at the sophistication of the scenario, but I figured she saw the very some problem on television somewhere. I was thinking I may have to let her down and say there is nothing we can do, if I wanted to avoid teaching her about the birds and the bees.

I contemplated giving Mrs. Dog some fertility drugs, pretending to reverse Mr. Dog's visectomy, suggesting different positions to the couple, or sending them to a sperm bank, but I thought that take too much explanation I didn't feel right giving her just yet. So I said there were some things we might be able to recommend to them, "but I think their best option is to refer them to an orphanage". She takes out 4 little tiny dog stuffed animals, and says that they have to keep the dogs who were sisters together. She lines them up and says "Let's see which one they like the best!" I tried to tell her that the couple could only afford to adopt one puppy, but I realized that making that decision would make her feel like life was unfair, so I said they would adopt all four puppies, and justified it in my mind by saying that dogs have litters of four or more puppies all the time.

A problem with playing doctor with an eight year old, is attempting to use as few medical words as possible, asking if she knows what complicated words mean, and having propmt understandable explanations of these words. I had to explain to her what a spinal chord was when she said the lamb's leg's "didn't work". Instead of telling her that the quadriplegic lamb had a near to none chance of regaining the use of her limbs, I said we could operate on her spinal chord.

After this point, I realized how hard it was to play this with her. I didn't know how realistic I was supposed to be. Do I tell her some things are hopeless? Can I ever tell her there is a high possibility of death?

She brought in some deaf and blind baby dolls for me to cure, and I said that I wouldn't operate on infants because it is a liability issue, and that it would be hard to tell if a baby was deaf, anyway. Then she picks up a monkey doll from the Dora the Explorer television show that says three different phrases when you squeeze it's belly. "He won't say anything else!", she says. I told her we'd send him to the psychiatry office on the third floor with Dr. Danny. (The room my boyfriend was playing video games in).

Another thing about playing with her in a pretend world which is supposed to be orderly and professional, such as a hospital or a tea party, is she behaves very well, is far more courteous than usual, and pretends to be an adult, saying things about herself which she admires in her role models, or saying that the things her real self does are bad. I was the pediatrician, and she was a mother of three infants. She said that her babies watch too much TV, and that they yell and scream when someone tries to turn it off. "They should only watch 3 shows a day, but they watch 10!" This is what she does in real life, she watches TV constantly. I then ask her, "What is their diet like? ...Um...what do they eat?" and she tells me how much candy and soda and "all the things that are unhealthy they eat" (just like her).

The pretend world is allowing her to be honest about what she does in reality, and what she feels bad about doing. It shows that she really does know when she is doing things she shouldn't be doing, and that she does have the capability of both recognizing it, and changing the way she acts to be more agreeable.

She just has to think she is playing for that to happen. That way, it's fun to behave.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Happy birthday, Bloggy!

Exactly one year ago, (to the minute!) this blog was born (see screen shot of birth on right). I introduced myself to my blog as it's caretaker and provider, I made sure no one would harm it by having a password that blogger said was "strong". I gave my blog a name that would make it successful, and a home by deciding it's URL. I dressed it up nicely in pretty colors with my chosen background and font colors, and I showed it to the world as my little blog.

My little blog has now grown up a bit, and I am so proud; it has accomplished so much in this year, and I see promising things coming from it in the future.

So far, my blog has been well behaved. Thankfully, it has had no inclination to participate in that "team blogging" thing that is so popular these days. The server has not failed, losing all of my entries, and for that I am thankful. I have not been stalked by creepy perverts through my blog (at least I think) and I have not developed Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from the long expanses of time rapidly typing stream of consciousness.

So thank you, Moderately Entertaining. You have thanked me for all I have done by attracting comments and readers! I really like that part of our relationship.

365 days, 100 posts. Is this a coincidence happening without my manipulation or have I busted my hump to meet this deadline in order for my blogiversary to be just that much more special?

Determine what you will.

In 100 posts (including the posts' titles, and also those quotes on the sidebar), I have written 36, 102 words. This averages to about 361 words per post. Also, keep in mind that several posts had minimal words and displayed a picture of some sort, so this is a lower average compared to an average of the posts who's main event is the words as opposed to the pictures.

If a picture is worth 1000 words, and I have posted exactly 103 pictures (including profile picture) to help explain, add to, enhance, or compose my entries, then this adds to 139,102 words for my 100 posts.

Averaged, I have done a post every 3.65 days. Every day I have written an average of about 99 words. (not including the 101,000 words for pictures OR the posts I have as drafts).

73 comments have been made (including ones made by myself) on this blog in one year. This averages .73 comments per post, and .2 comments per day this past year.

note: The fact that this post is the last of the hundred posts has been accounted into all statistics within this post.

"Up" review

Pixar's recent film entitled Up has gained much positive response from critics and viewers from a large age range. If have seen this movie or have no intention of seeing it then please read this. If you are planning on seeing it soon, then wait until that time to read this review. I don't want to make you think something and then have you resent the movie, I want you to formulate your own opinion and then disagree with me. It's much more fun that way.

synopsis: Boy and girl like adventure from a young age, they are married and have a wonderful life together. They have dreams of traveling to South America and having their house on top of Paradise Falls.Woman is old and dies. She gives her husband her "Adventure Book". The man does not want to go to a retirement home (and let the company take his property) because the house is something he deeply associates with his belated wife. Upon agreement to be taken to a home, thousands of inflated balloons through the chimney lift his house into the air and he is on his way to accomplish the dream he and his wife never fulfilled.

He is looking near the waterfall, but the balloons do not have enough inflation to bring him over the gap in the land to his destination. He straps the garden hose to himself and the accidental boy-scout stowaway, and they make their way over to the waterfall by foot. Along the way, they bump into a talking dog with a collar which allows him to speak his thoughts. The dog's owner is searching for an exotic bird whom has been following the boy and the man for a few minutes of the story. They make it to the waterfall. The man reads his wife's Adventure Book in the "stuff I'm going to do" section, and there are wedding pictures and pictures of their children and pictures of their house. She leaves him a note in the back: "Go have your own adventure. -Ellie"

The man promises the boy that he will keep the bird safe from the owner of the dog. The villain, the owner of this dog and thousands alike to him, tries to kill the man and boy to get the exotic bird. Irony: the villain is a famous TV/movie adventure star whom the man admired as a child. It all ends up great blah blah villain dies.

The good things:

1) The trip to South America shows the great lengths he goes in order to accomplish his belated wife's dream, and the balloons the great heights of his ambition. All this shows his devotion and heartbreak.
2) The boyscout enforces the "adventure" point of the story. How it can be frivolous and childlike and meaningless, be taken too far, and produce great reward and pride. He also serves as a companion to the man which keeps the story and the main character lighthearted throughout struggle and despair. The growing friendship in the story shows a progression of the main character from bitter and mourning his wife, to warm-heartedness and acceptance.
3) His wife's note shows that he did not need to fulfill their dream to please her. That they had their adventure, and it was a good one. It shows both that his want to accomplish this was a result of his sadness, and it allows him to realize this, and have peace with his accomplished life-long dream.

The bad things:

1) The fact that he goes and has his "own adventure" does NOT send me the message that he is getting over the death of his wife. In fact, it sends me me the opposite message that he is displacing his grief and sorrow into a want for more fun and near death.
2) His want to protect this bird is a sign of his desire for the boy's love. They want the character to seem as if he does this because of his compassion for the bird and not wanting it to be captured, but to me it seems that he is so lonely from the death of his wife, that he wants someone to like him. He goes to far too great measures to accomplish this.
3) This movie does not explain the reason why the boy wants to "save" the bird from the villain and why the villain wants to KILL them to get this bird. We have no idea if this man wants to kill the bird for dinner or for a coat from it's colorful feathers or for scientific observance or for a circus! They don't tell us anything, and it makes the entire struggle of "keeping it safe" seem stupid and unjustified.
4) The villain was on a quest for this bird for many years, just as the main character was on a quest to have a house in South America. The both had a goal, they both wanted it with all their heart. The protagonist achieves his goal, while the antagonist dies plummeting towards the jungle from miles above ground. WHY? Why do they NEGATE their own POINT of trying to accomplish your goals? Was what the villain wanted so horrible that he should DIE on his way?
5) The talking dogs. Oh god how I hated them. They made no sense, they were thrown in, they had nothing to do with anything.
6) The villain was someone that the main character admired as a boy. Are they trying to send the message that kids should not have role models? That adventure actually is evil? I don't see the point in having him be this person. I see opposite meaning in it. Perhaps they said it should be him for the shock of the reveal of character, and also the fact that creating a new character would be hard to do and feel insignificant. There is ONE way his character could work. And that would be that the main character feels that everything he has ever known (or admired) is turning his back on him. That just before he accomplishes his goal, things continue to get in his way. But he still yet deals with the villain after he accomplishes it, so it makes no sense in this context either.

My points:

THERE WAS NO NEED FOR HIM TO HAVE ANOTHER ADVENTURE! The Adventure Book showed him the adventure he had. There was no need. No need. His adventure was having his life with Ellie AND making it to Paradise Falls.

THERE WAS NO NEED FOR THE VILLAIN! He went against the "you can do anything you want to do" moral, as he died trying to achieve it. He distracted us from the reason the main character is in South America. There were already villains in this story. First, we had Man vs. Himself with his struggle of missing his wife, and this continues throughout the story. Then, it was Man vs. Society with the company wanting his property and everyone saying he should leave his house. Finally, it was Man vs. Nature as he flies though storms and makes his way through the jungle towards his destination. There was plenty enough villain in this story for me without an actual character to think is evil.

When they start the alternate plot line, with the talking dogs and the villain, the symbolism of the house and balloons, and his physical struggle in making his way there, and even the colorful bird is RUINED. They make all this beautiful imagery be taken completely literally. They use it as an excuse for violence and near death and excitement. The main character is fighting for something that makes no sense with his past wants, and that is not for pure "adventure", like his wife suggested. Her note in the book was not for him to endanger his life, it was for him to not dwell, and have fun. I can hardly call fighting for your life fun, I call it stressful.

I think a better ending would have been suicide off the waterfall after he reads the book. But the note from Ellie should not be there. But this would be the grownup version of the story, that's not really a good look for Disney.


I loved this story. I liked how it addresses death in a child movie. I liked how the montage of his life with Ellie hints toward a stork delivering their baby, I absolutely loved the scene where he looks at the Adventure book on the waterfall (it made me cry). I liked the bird, I even kind of liked the first talking dog only because it annoyed the man so much. I really did like the movie until they introduced the villain. The movie got severely boring for me after that point, and I wished for it to end.

Also, the real title of this movie is "The Spirit of Adventure". The first few minutes of the movie shows these words several times, so I am sure it must have been the working title until they thought up the alternate plot line when Disney said "we should Disney this up a bit" and then it couldn't be called that anymore because that was the name of the villain's blimp and it would be blatantly stupid to have the point of the story OBVIOUSLY negated like that, rather than discreetly.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


this summer I will:
  • finish that book I keep renewing
  • check out other books and read them also
  • buy my school books for fall
  • go running and play soccer with my boyfriend
  • make him do yoga
  • do my laundry and not wear the same outfit for several days
  • clean my room (and keep it in that state)
  • swim a lot
  • see many movies
  • continue blogging
  • have frequent outings and get-togethers with friends both long-lost and current
  • remember to practice viola
  • learn new songs on guitar
  • see live music performances
  • continue self taught music theory lessons with the internet and my keyboard
  • construct daisy chains in the park and watch clouds go by while I lie in the grass
  • have quality time with friends and family
  • eat something other than top ramen on a regular basis
  • not get dehydrated
  • draw something, anything
  • do the WASL testing I missed when I was sick that one day
  • write something that I don't post on this blog
  • camp, maybe
  • take a dance class
  • picnics
  • throw birthday party
The school year is over. My final grades are decent. Well, more than decent. Actually, they are really really good. So good, it's going to raise my cumulative high school GPA. Raise it. =) So, good year it was. I am ready to relax for the summer, have my fun, and then start at junior college next fall with the college-in-high-school program. yay. Have a nice summer everyone, I'll keep you posted on my progress on these goals.