some things to ponder over

A usually snotty teen who talks back to la maestra and talks constantly and loudly (en inglés mind you) was being slightly more sincere than usual, but yet still got chewed out for sarcasm by la señora. I overheard her speaking to the girl behind me regarding the teacher's misconception of the connotation of her response.

She said, as if she had hit a stoke of genius, "It's weird...how like different words, when you say them, it makes them think you're sayin' it like mad or something. You know what I'm sayin'?" In her jumbled, stuttering, fragmented, discombobulated speech, she had the beginnings of a coherent thought-- a valid, thought-provoking idea. To reiterate it; word choice causes certain inflections in speech to be assumed of, regardless of what the tones actually were. The assumed inflections depend on culture, the feelings and predetermined expected attitudes of the listener towards the speaker, and the precision of the words used (whether they could have varied meanings). And because inflection has such an impact on the meaning of phrases, an entirely innocent statement can be taken as being said in a negative manner.

Language is such a delicate tool. Sticking to formulas and learned phrases are the key to learning and developing and surviving, but yet it can lead you to trouble. If you can only express an idea in one set of words, what should you do if that set of words fails to be comprehended in the correct manner or at all? What should you do if you want to describe a unique idea to another?

Language is the most useful thing on the face of this earth. It is how we communicate our ideas. What are our ideas? Some electrical waves running through some goop and flesh beneath our skulls? I don't know all the mechanics of the brain, but this seems an accurate approximation. Language makes sense of this thought, this idea, and specifies it to one core concept for everything that is said. This makes it understandable to another entirely different being whom has most likely had different experiences and learning process and rate than you, and whom has most definitely had thoughts vastly different from yours within their lifetime. And yet, we can make them think something, something that they would have not thought had we not said that, by exerting some sound waves or squiggling some characters.

And yet, as proved in this situation, it is not always as effective as we would want it to be. It is often more reliable on what is expected to be heard, what is formulaic to be said, what is able to be understood in normal setting, and exactly, specifically how it is said. Perhaps normal, conversational language gets in the way of our ability to learn "telekinetic" communication, or communicate by way of naturally obtained body language, facial expression, hand gestures, and grunts.

The fact that this girl had this idea, but could not express it very well, shows that at least to some extent, intellect and comprehension is not dependent on expression and literacy. I am quite convinced that everyone has ideas such as language and it's faults, this girl certainly did. Perhaps our raw thought is the same, which she implanted in my brain though her language, but she can simply not specify on what it is because of lack of vocabulary or understanding of her own ideas.

ESTJ

I took it again. But this time, I got a different result. I suppose I have changed.

sound documentation

Soon after waking, I had the bright idea to document my audible experiences for a day. After I realized that today was as good a day as any, I started jotting down everything that I heard. It took concentration. I had to open my ears, making sure not to discount any sound I usually ignored, tuned out, or simply did not notice. In my experiences, the quietest sounds are the most fascinating. I encourage you to try the same for a day, and perhaps attempt the same for smell, mental feelings, touch, dialogue, inner monologue, or anything else that strikes your fancy. Focus on your senses and your world will become a little most interesting. So for those who care at all, here is what my ears managed to notice and my brain managed to remember and describe for the day in almost chronological order (without repeats):

• man talking (tv)
  
• orchestral music (tv)
• commercials
• blanket rustle
• futon creak
• ceiling creaks (upstairs neighbors)
• something heavy drop upstairs
• click of mouse
• tap of fingernails against various objects
• wrist crack
• toilet flush
• running water
• coffee grinder
• cupboard shut
• plastic bag rustle
• dad cough
• dad speaks with incredulity, then enjoyment, then annoyance
• I mumble
• dishes clatter
• footsteps on tile
• footsteps on carpet
• swish of various things against other things
• refrigerator open/close
• sighs
• breathing
• knock on door
• gurgle of coffee maker
• door open/close
• bending spiral notebook
• pen scratch on paper
• scratch skin
• squeak of chair wheels
• dad mumbles
• brother speaks
• computer whir
• gulp
• pen drop on paper
• door squeak
• rattle doorknob
• light switch flip
• clang of toilet seat going down
• phssst of paper tearing
• rattle of toilet paper
• rattle of the toilet "pressy thing"*
  
• plastic cup hit with toothbrush
• mouse picked up and placed down
  
• tooth brushing
• water swishing in mouth
• brother coughs
• brother burbs quietly
• brother scratching head
• woman speaking (tv)
• paper rustle
• I/brother laugh simultaneously
  
• dad laughs
• typing
• brief low buzzing from outside (plane?)
• chair squeak
• sniff
• squeaky mouth sound
• I clear my throat
• I yawn
• swoosh/scratch of combing hair
• underwear snap
• zipper
• belt clink
• keys jingle
• suction of pen cap
  
• suction of deodorant lid
  
• sound of my love's voice =)
• chewing grape
• my love laughing =)
• my love coughing =(
• jing of metal being hit
• sizzle on the stove
• fan above stove
• mouth click
• shoulder cracking sound
• glasses fold (snap snap)
• toneful clang of pan
• toneful scrape of pan
• drip of water
• phone ring
• beep
• koosh of koosh ball
  
• locket clink
• I say "Ah! Fuck!" in distress
• I cough
• Dad whines/yells my name.
• I hum "Buffalo Soldier"
• I sing "Buffalo Soldier"
• microwave door open/shut
• microwave running
• beep of microwave
• coffee being sipped
• scratch of grape vine against strainer
  
• flipper hitting pan
• dad lecturing
• brother yelling
• dad ranting
• sliding door open/close
• woman speaking
• potatoes chewed
• shoe lace casing hitting against shoe
• car starting
• car sounds of accelerating and decelerating
  
• classical music on radio
• car doors open/close
• turning signal
• footsteps on concrete
  
• pouring water w/ ice
• car locking click and beep
• seat-belt pulled/retracted
• seat-belt click on/off
• ice rattle in paper cup with hand movement
• crunching popcorn
• movie previews
• movie: "Frozen River"
• sneeze
• cup squeak
• background talking murmur
• broom against carpet
• soap disperser dispensing
• footsteps on gravel
  
• sliding shoe on pavement
• distant whistle
• ka-chunck of stepping on manhole
• Indian man speaks in English
  
• young boy whines in specific unknown Indian language
  
• Indian music (tv)
• peeling a label
• computer start-up
• air from chair "shh"
• plastic buckles click
• skateboard on pavement
• trunk click open
• "chunck" of trunk closing
• key slid in ignition
• jazz music on radio. specifically "I can't make you love me"
• young man speaks
• shhh from distant cars on highway
  
• squawking birds
• viola strap squeak
• minor buzzing from light fixture
• floor creaks under feet
• different, louder shhh noise
• woman shushing me
• Myself singing
• snapping
• ambient music
• various rock songs
• men and women speaking Spanish (online homework)
• dishwasher click on
• pouring dry dishwasher soap
• glasses clink
• dishwasher running
• mom speaks
• voice echoing
• man speaks
• box of oranges dropped on table
• various other music from 5 star list
• mouse scrolled
• alarm clock button clicks
  

*In search of a word for the "pressy thing" on a toilet I consulted my boyfriend, Danny. I suggested "trigger", and dared for him to come up with a better word. He commented that this made going to the bathroon sound "dangerous and exciting" like a gun. To which I answered, "Isn't it already? You have a loaded gun in ur pants, Danny, gotta pull the trigger."

self portrait

No, not metaphorically, I really did attempt this in the literal sense. Sitting in front of a mirror, I spent an hour trying to sketch myself. Possibly, it says more about the way I view myself than it does how artistically talented I am. I really am a wannabe visual artist. Although I think I do have some natural talent in the matter, I rarely have the patience or overwhelming desire to spend a time fussing over lines and shadow. It's not entirely amazing...but there are aspects to my facial structure.

And with it, a picture of myself more alike to what I have drawn than any other I own.

Attempting to draw is always such an enriching experience for me. First, because or the rarity of the activity and also because of the strategy and mindset so differing from other mentally strenuous things.

When I begin to draw, I always have anxiety in a sense. I don't want to start off the sketch on the wrong foot, the wrong line, the wrong original reference point. The first line is always erased 20 times or more. Obsessive? Yes. Even moreso seeing as how that line is usually changed once the other lines around it have made it slightly askew to your new point of view.

Often, if I saw myself drawing from learned "ways to draw something" I had to snap out of it, and erase. What was I looking at? Draw what you see. I obviously struggle with realism, but it is the only way I will learn how to capture the actual appearance of things. If this mindset did not help I had to think harder about what I was looking at. What detail is it that makes this look like it curves more or sticks out more in the mirror and does not in my drawing?

I have learned these things today regarding drawing:

Draw what you see.
There are no pointed shapes in a human face, except those which are for reference.
It is best to draw a figure starting with the innermost attributes.
The spacing is always farther than you visualize, and closer than you originally aim for.

I do not think that I am one to think visually. My mental pictures are usually hazy, unless I spend a very long time examining and thinking about every detail of something while I view it. And even then, I can only remember the details, not the over-all appearance--or even worse, I can only remember how I felt while I was looking.

That's it! I (or rather the human race) remember things by way of feelings. And I suppose, if I were better artistically talented then that would lead to many Impressionistic art pieces.