If a secret wish, a classified desire, becomes a reality and one dismisses it or does not give the honor it deserves, or on a whim, rejects it, one cannot help feeling as if their original feeling down for not having this thing was severely uncalled for. It makes this person doubt if their sadness is true when it comes about on the next occasion, or if it is just another occurrence of something they truly don't want, but only take joy (or have just become accustomed to) in thinking about and theoretically wishing for.One option is that I am too hard to please. When even my most thought of and wildest fantasies do not satisfy, perhaps even repulse me, you have to wonder if I would ever be happy.
Maybe I am just emo for the hell of it, whether or not my dreams are being fulfilled or not.
Maybe I did not know what I want in the first place.
Maybe my wishes are too real: what would I wish if given the opportunity? Most likely some kind of thing regarding someone I knew, that most likely will happen anyway even without the magic of wishes. Maybe I think too highly of simple things and assume them as so far away and imaginary so that I can have some kind of dream when really they are not that glamorous and not that hard to obtain.
Maybe the sadness is always unjustifiable. What I have wished for truly is great and I am here too afraid of my own heaven. Worried that it will be messed up, ashamed that I wanted it in the first place, self conscious about myself (not wondering how the 2nd or 3rd party would view it), afraid of commitment to my wishes (my fantasies ignoring sore facts about myself and my dislikes), and not considering everything else in my life situation before I made the idea.
Maybe I wish for things in such an unrealistic way as to never ever have it a reality, and then when I know I will not obtain it, I force myself and trick myself into settling for less, thinking it was my vague wish all along. Maybe I never specifically wished and anything remotely surprising and pleasant that happens I refer to as a dream come true.
Or MAYBE I just over-analyze everything. I do... but I swear that these are all left over "maybe" ideas, not things running through my head currently about actual options.
And no, this is not about you honey, not about you at all. Girl scout's honor.
4 comments:
You might carry your thoughts a bit further to consider that there is a very real difference between fantasy and reality. Wishes are fantasies because they have a life of their own, mostly unrelated to anything in the outside-of-your-head world. That's why they're fun. You can imagine any scenario you want, build on it, try out different results, go back, erase, build anew. Fantasies are also very safe. You're in control. You decide the outcome and you can shut things down whenever you want. Fantasies are a healthy way of relaxing, creating and of exercising your brain. Reality, on the other hand rarely lives up to the rich world of fantasy. You're no longer in control; things don't usually happen at all as you imagined them and that's disappointing. But that's okay. It doesn't mean you don't know what you want or that you're too hard to please. I just means you have a good, healthy imagination and reality pales by comparison -- as it must. As long as you can continue to balance and appreciate each for exactly what they are, you're fine. More than fine even. Use your fantasy to create art and give it life that way instead of trying to impose it on prosaic people and situations.
some good points, xup, thank you. It is not necessary that my fantasies reflect reality or would ever, in reality, give me happiness. But isn't the main point/origin of fantasizing thinking about how to make reality better? If I am thinking under different pretenses than this (such as: just for the creativity, good feelings, for the heck of it, relaxing, exercising my brain), then my fantasies will be even more away from reality.
This could cause me to be even more depressed from not having these wonderful things, detach me from reality so that I can not think about my life realistically. But on the other hand, it could make me ponder on something so far from reality so that I will not be bothered about it if it is not a reality, and it will only be a nice thought to raise my spirits every once in awhile. Although... things (or dreams) like this I see the cliche of being suppressed so much that it nags at you every day, and at one point you can not handle it anymore and you go attempt something stupid and crazy for only the reason to have peace of mind.
Oh no - of course your fantasies MUST be developed thinking that they could become real. You're right - there would be no point otherwise. At the same time and perhaps on another level you also have to know that what you are fantasizing about isn't real. For instance, you buy a lottery ticket and for a whole week you spend idle moments dreaming about what you will do with the lottery winnings. It makes you happy because there is a chance, albeit a very small one, that this could become a reality. You don't sink into depression when you don't win, however, because you've know all along that the fantasy wasn't real. The people who believe they are going to win if they just buy enough tickets or dump enough money into the slot machines, do not have a good grasp on reality. I don't know if this is a good analogy or not. The point is just that yes, you do have to have some expectation that your fantasies could become real on some level, while at the same time realizing that reality is a little more work and a little less fun than the stuff in your head. But it's all good and it's all okay and it's all part of the richness of life.
i see, it's one of those questions that the answer is "find a nice balance" =P
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