well, i did it

After all of that "should i? should i not?", I finally did decide. I finally did quit the dance team. Over the next few days I expect to be hearing a lot "oh, why did you quit?" I also expect to hear that from the people whom just recently realized I was a member several months from now. I will tell them something about my grades or some such, when that was only a minor factor to my decision. I quit because I felt stressed out. It was no longer fun for me to stay at school for 12 hours a day and deal with bad directions and bad practice time communication. I really don't have enough time for homework, but the real problem is that I have no time to "be". No time to chill, no time to think, no time to do a blog post or clean my room or pursue things which will actually lead up to my future possible professions, of which dance is surely not one. I have not the talent nor the money nor the heart nor the stupidity to try to make a living off of a dance career, but I would love to continue taking occasional classes to learn technique and various genres and have fun =)

Dance team changed from a fun activity to an excessive responsibility and stress place. And with experiencing the team for a semester I am now appreciating the joys of free time and relaxation. I have time to see friends if I please, put thought into homework, and enjoy my high school career not by force or default or mental and physical strain, but by my own leisure and social and contemplative nature. I suppose I took the free time for granted, feeling I needed to have an activity. I do need activities, but with being a team member, there was no room for anything else I had the inclination to pursue or had an interest in. By comparison to being on the team, getting my homework done and feeling at peace to do things slowly and constructively is a breeze. =)

So I'm feeling good. Really really good. May be the smartest decision I ever made. It was hard doing so, feeling attached to and accepted in the team finally, but dance was never really a passion. It was mostly a slight natural advantage and inclination which I thought might be the only team sport which would bring me somewhat joy, hating exercise as I do. It was fun...and it did tone up my body quite well, but it was hard work and stressful. I am a very lazy and laid-back person.

It wasn't working for me. Only select parts of me; the parts that like exciting giddy, surroundings at competitions and the part that likes to learn, when picking up choreography. Perhaps the part that likes to perform, the part that likes to dress up prettily and have people do my hair, and obviously, the part that likes to dance. The excited, giddy me is best not shown, or should be used and expressed in different surroundings and applied more constructively and creatively to go to my benefit and not a team. I can learn anything, and perhaps this mental determination should be directed towards other skills which would help me in other ways or which would give me better grades or a better self of the self. Performing, I will have to find some way to compensate for, perhaps joining drama club or making youtube videos. I like dressing up, but I can play barbies with my boyfriend's little sister and put on make-up when I feel like it. I don't need dance team for that. And the part of me that likes dancing? There are school dances. I managed to do without it every day before I joined the team. And this energy and dancy spirit can be transmitted into my daily mannerism and movement, which makes me seem more myself, and not tired constantly. All of these substitutions, or re-substitutions shall I say, will give me more time and more joy than the team.

I'll always remember the team. I have a $130 uniform and a semester of exhaustion and peer praise to remember. I lasted this long. I won't get to "letter", being put on my résumé, but I don't care. The 4 years of Spanish and Orchestra and Math and Science and English and History will make up for my lack of sports, right?

for you, mr. taylor

With the help of my brother, I wrote this in html.

Math I have to think about more abstractly to be interested in, especially geometry. Memorizing names of different things that are obvious and logical anyway does not intrigue or impress me. Figuring out that two hypothetical triangles are congruent or similar does not interest me when I never cared in the first place. I have to think about the theory, the abstractness of it, to get any meaning at all out of the information.

This program is a statement about the first semester of my geometry class, completely composed of triangles. When I open my 800-page math book (which they expect us to bring home every day, yeah right) to a random page, 80% of the time there is a right triangle on that page. I know this is a bit hypocritical to use programming to make a statement about math, when the two are so related, but it really proves it even moreso.

(I like theories, I have a fascination with them. But when I am being forced to do labor related with the theories, and am not allowed to explore the theoretical ideas with my own interest and curiosity, then I can not "get into it", and I become easily annoyed at facts that are both obvious and new to me, for they are beaten to death. It's all about mindset. There are some times in math that I feel like blowing my brains out or sleeping, just to be able to stop listening. I can't help it, I can't not pay attention to the words teachers say, it's impossible for me.)

Anyway, my statement is that three points is space is three points in space. I don't care what their angle measures or side lengths are if they are continually changing and moving.

So measure that, sucker!!! AHAHAHAHA

a symphony experience

I need some help. Musically inclined/pursued readers of this post, give me your insight.

I went to see a symphony. A semi-professional mediocre symphony, but a symphony nonetheless, comprised of talented adults. For a few of the songs there was choral accompaniment.
I would like to know if there are vast, distinct differences in conducting techniques between different types of conductors (solely choral compared to solely orchestral or solely wind/brass/percussion.)

The reason I ask this is because the different sections of the performers seemed out of sync. Ignoring the plainly confused percussion section, the brass instruments seemed a stall behind every beat that the stringed instruments played. It seems the choir is used to excess instruction and when neglected by the conductor, also lagged somewhat. Ignoring the rushing 1st violin section with various instances of displayed differing bowing, I saw the viola section heavily influenced and overpowered by the brass instruments in the back whom were not playing with the rest of the orchestra exactly.

Also, I would like to know the basic tendencies of these three groups in comparison to each other. Do brass instruments not pay attention to tempo changes signified by the conductor, just moseying along as they listen to those around them? Do they tend to rush? What about a chorus? Are they apt to drag or rush or meld? Does being in the back of the group of performers cause the singers to not be able to pick up on tempo changes quickly enough? The orchestra? Do they slow down on most occasions or listen to each other moreso?

Maybe there is something in the way of acoustics which make one instrument or voice ring longer or be heard later which I am not accounting for because I do not know much about it. The auditorium was not completely professional and catering exactly to having the best, but I was sitting 4th row center, so my placement shouldn't have been a problem.

I suppose what I want to know is, why was this group seemingly together in sections, but almost hard to bear as I noticed their differing interpretation of the conducting. He seemed like a wonderful conductor, but why, why, did it not sound together to me?

sidenote:

For while now, I have began having a grudge against the jazz band, for they leave puddles of spit from their instruments at 0 period for the orchestra students to step on and get on their cases during 1st period. (I'm sure I have mentioned this). My running slightly obscure and moderately entertaining joke to my fellow violists and the 2nd violins is "Dang, if this keeps up I will be forced to give the band a bucket for Christmas." (Even as I am Jewish, the holiday still deserves a place in that joke as long as my audience is mostly comprised of Christians.)

Seeing as how "the holidays" have passed, I can no longer make that joke anymore and I am actually now considering doing this for real. When I told my mom about this, she made a suggestion to make this obnoxious gift idea into a practical joke: flood the band room with spit. Or maybe she said that at least it isn't as obnoxious as a practical joke as it is kind of nice in some ways, and I suggested it. I can't recall. But either way, she gave me the idea. And as the school is being moved anyway, I see no problem. It might be hard to obtain such a large quantity of spit though... all I need is enough to cover the floor. =) That will show 'em. hehehe.