things I dislike

I hate when I have a really good idea that turns out to be already thought of.

I hate people who yell at pedestrians.

I hate when a song is abruptly stopped right before the good part.

I hate people who rush the tempo like crazy, not following the conductor, always thinking they are correct, and choose to sit right next to me in orchestra every day.

I hate mushrooms.

I hate how people say "What??" when I am casually looking at my surroundings and they happen to pass by my field of vision.

But most of all...I hate how people don't comment *coughs*

I don't think I hate much else.

a favorite book

It's kind of sad to call something your favorite book and only have read it once, but it really did take me a long time to read, and it was very good.


Translated from Danish, Smilla's Sense of Snow, which I finally saw the motion picture of today, is a thriller, for lack of a better word. The better word would mean something about deep philosophical and emotional insight. To put it plainly, a very very emo book. Besides that, it has one of the most interesting plots I ever read/saw, has many thrilling moments, all told through the unfolding mystery made by a half Greenlandic-half Danish scientist and mathematician with a hard exterior. A boy dies who she had a bond with despite her social isolation, and she has a compulsion to uncover why he has died, with the idea that is was not an accident.

I found the movie not nearly as good as the book, no surprises there. It is the same complaint of every novel that has been changed into a movie. The entire reason I liked the book, the deep inner monologue and desolate scenes had been lost with the movie, only displaying the action and sex. More importantly, not nearly showing how much she despised everyone, and how harsh she was. One of the first pieces of dialogue she made in the book was "Beat it you little shit." Her eyes showed just a bit too much compassion and fear for my taste in the movie. Not to say she wasn't a wonderful actor, she had the right idea, but I really think she should have read the book before playing the role.

I highly recommend the book, and if you get confused about the storyline then watch the movie afterward to clear things up.

This quote from the book really taps into her struggle.
"As a child I sometimes dreamed that everybody was dead and had left me behind with the euphoric freedom of choice in an abandoned adult world. I've always thought of it as a pleasent dream. At this moment, on this square, I realize that it has always been a nightmare."

how do you measure thought?

It's not rhetorical. You personally, how do you measure how much you have thought about something?
Is it how long you thought, or how much your head hurts? Does it depend on the rate of your thoughts; the time between thoughts that you found significant in some way? Is it how unfocused you were on your surroundings while you thought, how disconnected you were from reality?

Don't read on until you have some kind of answer, even if you stole it from that joke of a list.

I measure my thought, on most occasions, by way of sticky notes. A standard 3 in. x 3 in. sticky note (regardless of it's color) will hold about one passing thought, one idea, one concept, one viewpoint. I see all of those about equal, so depending on how many sticky notes I use, that is how much thought I have made. I use them constantly, mostly for figuring out my life's issues and speculated mental problems.

On many occasions I stick them to the wall above my headboard in logical patterns or tree-like shapes to see how the thoughts branch out. Possibly how I could eliminate some worries or problems if I fix one aspect of the issue. It's much more logical than letting inner monologue run rampant. Remembering preceding thoughts, I usually have to work backwards. And thinking is very restricting, once you get off the track you were on, it's very hard to get back on, so it throws off everything.

You might think that writing everything down would restrict me, slow me down, but you're wrong. It makes me think everything through more, actually giving me more worth for whatever I think. It allows me to revisit concepts and see if I had a brief moment of insanity. If you think without keeping record, then you can easily skip vital details, and go off having an emotion that is not called for, that makes no sense. And you are left mislead.

If I only go by what I remember the general feel of the thinking session was, then I will get nothing out of it, nothing at all.

That's why I use sticky notes. And I really like them, too. The girly part of me also taps in and I love the pretty colors of the tiny sheets of paper =D

Today I used 25.

Wow I always seem to wrap things up nicely. I love that about things.

This is no doubt only loosely related, but consider this:
One's hand is nature's sticky note.

a favorite painting

Gathering Storm
Lin Onus

I saw the piece at the Seattle Art Museum. Keep in mind that i don't see much art, but of the entire museum, I did find this one the best. In the picture you can see the fish, the water, the seaweed, the trees (upside-down), and through all of it the clouds.
I saw it as seeing the entire world connected, in the same place, yet so distinguished from each other. The ripple in the water from the fish keeps putting my mind back into perspective that most of those things are reflections on the water. It's so peaceful, so ominous, and so capturing all at the same time.

I liked it a lot better before I saw his other works and realized he/she (not sure) uses the upside-down tree reflection numerous times, making this piece less innovative.

I still use it as my desktop background often regardless of that fact.

lines and dimensions

Sketching 3-D objects hurts my brain. The processing power to change a 3-D object in front of me into a 2-D picture under me makes it so.

3-D is much more 1-D than you think it is, if that makes any sense. But of course it doesn't, because I know nothing about dimensions. But also, because you're not thinking about it. The shading comes last in sketching, but without the shading on a shape (made of lines) which has a curved edge, the line does not look curved enough for some reason. One has to think very literally about what they are seeing and not get fooled from what they might see from a slightly different angle, or measure with a ruler.

While shading an object on a slightly reflective kitchen table, I got very confused. Why does this object have two shadows? Oh! A reflection, one is the reflection! Which one is the reflection? It didn't help that I also had multiple light sources, making my shadow blurry, and also having other things on the table such as my coffee cup casting other shadows making it confusing.

Also, using only a pencil to draw, without any intention of adding color, I have no idea how to differ the green from the yellow...they have exactly the same amount of brightness as each other. But I do want to distinguish between them, so I make the green a darker shade of gray. But now my shadows are screwed up, and I need to make the other shadow darker to compensate! It's all very confusing.

See? The straight lines and curved lines and shadows and reflections and different dimensions and color perspective have my brain so twisted that I was talking to myself as I squinted at the kitchen table distinguishing a shadow from a reflection. You can now see why my brain hurt.

But I like things like this, it's relaxing and stressful at the same time. I have as much time as I want, but it takes severe brain power. And all of this confusion came from doing a simple sketch of a banana. Sad, isn't it?

It didn't turn out too bad, only a little too non-rounded on the edges. I can't figure out how to make that better. I will attempt to use my scanner to share it with you.

visual cues

An ignited rose.

Think about the image.

• A poet would keep the capturing phrase to use in a piece.

• An artist would remember the imagery, perhaps enticed by it.

• A musician might be reminded of a song, or feel inclined to write a song about it.

But they would all be triggered by the visual, and would all have a feeling behind it driving them. It might remind them of romance, of heartbreak, of power, or of pyromaniacs, and it would give them some kind of feeling which would influence the art.

If you have anything to add then please do, I barely had a point. It was just something to consider.

sketching and perfectionism

I didn't know I could draw!

Sometimes it's great finding something like that out, but it just kind of adds to the blur of things about myself. Why does it matter?

Just kidding, I'm not going to be that emo.

I never was a perfectionist, but somehow I seem to be when drawing.

I've always thought that to continue with whatever you are doing whether it be making an argument or playing minesweeper, that you have to have a real trust in yourself that everything you have done before that point is perfectly done. Because if it is not, then what you are basing your next moves on are false, and you will end up screwing yourself up.

I don't feel this way about essays, I can't stand doing any kind of pre-write that makes even the slightest logical sense. I just start writing, knowing that I can go back, mess around with wording and order of ideas, and completely change my thesis any time I want.

But with drawing, I NEED for THAT line to be the PERFECT amount curved (especially when I am doing a realistic drawing with a model, which is the only kind I can manage to do). But also, I can't always do that right from the beginning, because there will be no way to base that line's characteristic in relation to the now, non-existent others. That is why I look at the object for awhile before touching my pencil to paper, close one eye, and wave my finger in the air, getting a feel for the first few lines I will attempt to draw.

I take it slow, that's how I do it.

things I like

I enjoy writing.
I enjoy reading.
I enjoy dancing.
I enjoy singing.
I enjoy instruments.
I enjoy music.
I enjoy drawing.
I enjoy viewing.
I enjoy acting.
I enjoy watching.
I enjoy comedy.
I enjoy wit.
I enjoy thinking.
I enjoy interpreting.
I enjoy quoting.
I enjoy explaining.

I enjoy other things also, but I don't feel particularly compelled to specify as of this moment. You may ask if you are so interested that it can't wait until later.

And yes, that is my eye.