"'omg' 'the' 'dance'"

Yay overuse of quotes!

I went to the first school dance of the year, and the first that I have since enrolled in this high school. And you get a guess. Will I say that it was A) fucking amazing or B) the lamest thing I ever went to place your votes now. Highlight below to reveal the answer!

A!!!!!!!!

Just messing with you, it was pretty lame. Reguadless, I did have fun at some points in the night. Of the estimated 30 people whom attended, I danced with an estimated 15 of them. So I am satisfied. A tall Asian dude who had a pretty definite style danced alone for most of the evening. I began talking with him, commenting on how he danced half the time as if he had a pain in his side and entertained him with the mime-ish and performance art category of my moves.

A slightly less tall Asian dude entertained the entirety of the dance floor with his break moves, whom I had seen trying out for dance team. And in the following practice it turned out he made the team and said he recognized me from the dance last Friday. That, I was semi-pleased with. Only semi because he didn't mention if he found my dancing good or bad, just that he recognized me. But I don't think he would have remembered me had he not specifically seen my killer and signature dance move. (Of which is amazing. I call it "energy source". Maybe I'll make a video of myself doing it and post it.)

Two senior girls I had made friends with earlier in the week were wearing skirts and dancing spaztically. They were quite entertaining so I hung out with them a good portion of the evening. But they left early so I mingled with other bad dancers, and showed off some skills to the backup friend group I had originally met at the doorway.

The DJ was semi-cool. When almost everyone from the originally small crowd had filtered out 15 minutes to the official dance ending time, he asked for a song request. I think I yelled Green Day, somehow being the first thing that came to mind, but I guess he didn't have it. Someone requested Dancing Queen by ABBA, and believe it or not he had THAT. It was quite the scene, about 5 high schoolers dancing and singing along to this song from the 70s. I'm failing to mention the teachers on the floor for a reason, halfway through the song I realized this and got slightly embarrassed at enjoying the song so much. The funniest part was that the taller Asian dude hadn't danced more than a little foot movement the previous song, not his style I guess. But he seemed to get a second whim and really happy when Dancing Queen came on. He got so into it that at the dance's end at 11, someone had to yell to him to get off the dance floor (aka the cafeteria) as he didn't notice he was the only one still there. On that note, I assume the cafeteria is used in lieu of the gym because that amount of people in such a large space would be much more embarrassing and desolate.

Another note concerning the location of the dance. In comparison to my previous school, which made a very defined prohibition of any food or drinks at the dances, there was no such rule here. I'm sure they would have gotten a complaint or two had they done so..."But...but this is the cafeteria! If I can't eat here, where CAN I eat?"

general happenings

Sorry for the vagueness of the title, usually they are more interesting and related to the post. But I am allowed one annual disorganized and unrelated entry, aren't I? I think that is justified and I won't stand here arguing about it with you! (Or am I just arguing about it with myself? I think I've been a little off all day.)

Alright, alright, I'm not quitting dance team. I'm in too deep, I get it.

Although no one was pestering me regarding that, which would theoretically justify my saying that, I felt as if I needed to clear the air, whack away this hazy green fog which I call my undecided decisions. And thus with that statement I have done so!

My writing style is getting really complicated and old-timey. lol

The "guy" came today and installed the high-speed internet. My dad was pleased at his, as well as his companies knowledge of the phonetic alphabet when he spelled something for his workmate over the phone through the code. I think I restrained myself from staring at the quite good looking man's body as he ducked under the table moreso than my brother and father would have had the "guy" been a woman. But knowing that they would have, had this been the case, I didn't deprive myself completely. Is this the result of spending time with the male gender? No, I'm not sexist. (And yes I know you did not say that, but let's run with it and assume you did.) In fact, I think I have more male friends than I do female. Wait wasn't that my point to begin with? I think I have what's called a half-baked-catch-22!

Um what else is in the news? Let's see here, brainstorming for general happenings but keeping it random and unrelated...I can't decide if I am undeniably amazing at this or so horrible that I shouldn't even try. Let's go with the latter.

And to close with a randomized quote. A quote which you must find for yourself where it is from if you really do care. It is loosely related to this post only when thought of in a general sense, but not a particular sense. So don't over-analyze or quote me on that fact.

"We're talking about the issues but we're keeping it funky."

The absentmindedness and obvious disorder of this post cannot and should not be held against me in the court of law. If so inclined to pursue your distaste for this entry by action of legal potesting then please comment with request of further explanation of my odd behavior on this evening before making any rash decisions. I am an unformally trained suidical negotiator. Anything you do or say could be skewed by me to make you have suicidal thoughts, be warned. Those responses of which I may give you shall not be quoted either. Unless you really really want to.

my comedic surface area

That's right, it's not just a side! But the volume's contents is unknown thus far.

Alright that was lame, let's move on. This Geometry class must be getting into my head...

One of the most classic, easiest and simplest ways to make a joke is to answer rhetorical questions in completely obscure and unrelated ways. "Guess what!" "You finally DID harpoon that dragon in your backyard?! I remember how you complained about it eating your dog-food." OK maybe it's not that classic, nor is it that simple for the uncreative mind or the person who does not have understanding and obscure friends like I do, or for people who cannot come up with such ingenious original out-of-the-blue ideas at every possible angle and opportunity, but for me personally it is both classic and simple. I find online chatting a much easier place to use this method of comedy to the fullest of it's capability. You don't look as stupid saying something random as in real life, and they end up feeling like the odd one out for not understanding what you are talking about. And you can spend a few seconds thinking about what to say without making it obvious that you are trying to think of something funny. As an added bonus you don't even have to worry about how to say it, so to the reader it makes it seem that you are saying it with either complete seriousness or with severe sarcasm. Either one is hilarious in this circumstance!

This bit is quite discreet, not as funny as you would like it to be, and once you have done it there is no going back. (Unless you write it in pencil, then it's another story.) To all the Middle and High Schoolers out there, this is one you will appreciate and use for many years to come. On the inside cover of most textbooks (at least where I live) you are supposed to write your name, year used, and condition in which it was issued and returned to you. This is in case you lose it and it needs to be given back to you, or there is a filing malfunction and the books have to be checked for whom it was issued to. But I don't lose my books, and a filing problem is rare so I take my chances and write other things in that space.

Issued to: In this section I find it comical to reference to something inside the textbook. If I find an omeba in the science book or an interesting picture of Queen Elizabeth in the history book then I say that it was issued to that, and give the page number.

--------------------------------------------------CONDITION---------
ISSUED TO------------------ DATE -------- ISSUED-------RETURNED

The Ant on Page Two-------no thx--------book---------still a book
The Right Triangle p. 69---the past------horrible------slightly better
Directly Behind You.--------boo!----------old------------new
n/a---------------------------n/a------------n/a-----------n/a
me---------------------------today----------yes------------yes
you, obviously--------------you tell me---ditto----------likewise

Yeah it really isn't that funny. I shouldn't have spent so much time explaining it.

Also in the way of school related comedy purely for self entertainment, is to use lots! of extra! exclamation points! and smiley face =) when doing an assignment (preferably not in English class). The teacher might think that you are enthusiastic about the material, or trying to flirt with them, or have an overly optimistic view on life, but really, you are just being severely severely sarcastic. And severe sarcasm is the best of it's kind! Sure, a little dry humor now and then in good standing is always needed and completely optimal, but severe sarcasm truly lifts my spirits. Not only does it enhance my good mood to be discreetly but still yet protesting the annoying and painfully obvious and repetitive work, but just the sights of the exclamation points and smiley faces is a mood enhancer in itself. Kind of like when you force yourself to smile, it often makes you happier instantaneously. Even though the teacher will most likely not see them, and you'll probably throw away the worksheet after it has been handed back, the second train of thought not regarding the math or history or physics, but still yet tied in and responsive to the work you are doing, makes the work a little easier to do and a little less painful to first begin it. Hell, sometimes when I finish the last problem I am so happy that I am done that the last few exclamation points are truly sincere. =)

Oh, you make it seem like I'm enjoying school! :o OK maybe a little.

Off topic: Damn...this soda isn't caffeinated!! -_-

la fiesta

Yesterday, my birthday party was quite enjoyable. I hugged and got hugged more than I can remember. The more hugs the better, as I just decided that I always might say. It didn't rain, thankfully, and the grass was soft and green. 13 people came from the 30+ I invited. Most people don't check their email, some lived far away, and others had school sports to engage in. So considering that, I think the turnout was just perfect. It was enough so that people didn't have to be doing the same thing all at once to have a sufficient amount of people, so everyone was happy in the activities they engaged in.

I baked cookies for it, and they were quite good. There was soda and chips, a cake that my best friend brought as one of her many presents. Normal party food. Once the people got there we started playing hide and go seek in the trees. The childish game with a bunch of high schoolers made everyone laugh and smile. We played Frisbee and tag, and I played hacky-sack with a crumpled-up class schedule with the two soccer fanatics I invited. I think I held my own considering their prestige in the like. And I forced the party invitees to sit in the grass and play truth or dare. I ended up somersaulting from "the tree to the trash can" as specified by my darer. I got a little dizzy, but it was manageable. Nothing got too wild with the dares, so I was happy and everyone was enjoying themselves without the usual need for outrageous things to happen at parties for immature entertainment.

I am pleased at how well everyone got along. For the most part, they were all from 2 different schools, and yet anyone talking to one another was usually from different schools. The soccer players had things (mainly soccer) in common. My best friend, and one of the first friends I made at my new school had much philosophy and mythology to discuss. I was pleased at how my brother was able to make small conversation with some of the older boys I invited quite close to his age. One of my fellow sophomores who was climbing trees previously got in to a wrestling match with a senior I invited, and he did quite well for the obvious physical advantage to the senior. It was all quite peachy-keen and everyone had a great time.

My father took me out for a steak dinner afterwards and it was quite nice. He scoffed as I asked for mine well-done, but then marvelled at the fact that he asked for his "medium, a little pink" and it was far from that, much less cooked, to fit that description. It's all good, and I got a free Sunday from the restaurant it being my birthday. I got about halfway through it until I couldn't eat another bite.

the superior of two virtues

I've always thought that quitting is never to be something to be ashamed of. If my personal drive and obligation are non-existent in something or not enough to make me want to do something, then I see no need to do it. And I don't feel bad quitting since I know that in the most important cases, I will want to go on. Sometimes I say to people or myself "Quitting is good for you." And, I honestly think that a healthy diet consists of a little quitting, a little cheating, a little bit of being scared shit-less, a little indulgence, a little depression. We need it all to feel human, and to feel like we can be human any time. An overdose of any one of those things can result in things going badly, but on the other hand, a complete absence of any one will cause mild to extreme neurosis. The cool teenage outlook on life is easy-going, half eye-lid closed, criticizing but uncaring idealism. I agree with that outlook.

BACK TO WHAT I WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO SAY

To quit or not to quit, that is the question. Or is it?

I have told some friends about my dance team dilemma. No one told me to quit. And when I suggested this option, many supported my decision, but quite a few told me not to. That this in some way, I don't exactly understand why, would let them win. I understand what they mean, even if I do quit of my own accord, for my own reasons, they will think it was them who caused this. And it will feed their idea that they can push people around.

But should I care if they think that? No. If they are making my life miserable should I stick around to attempt to change their thinking? No. I don't want to change people as much as I don't want to be changed myself. It is not my obligation, it is not my job, it is not my problem to make them good in the sense that I think. I can't change this. I tried at one point to stop acting the way I had been before and tell them what I thought. I didn't disrespect them in any outward way, but I was demanding and harsh at points. This generated resentment in some of them, respect in others, and some still didn't care. That's as far as I'm going, it was the biggest statement I was willing to make. Immediately after that incident/discussion/argument, I went back to being the way I had. Perhaps even a little quieter than usual to make a point that I have inner strength or perhaps to show that when I have a problem I will tell them, but I had no problem whatsoever with them. (This is not true, I had plenty of problems with them, I just wanted to think that I didn't.) Especially when they use the phrase "the shit". Oh god how I loathe that phrase. That phrase is the "the [total and complete] shit".

Considering performance art (staying with the team to make a statement) I am too impatient to let people notice--since by doing that, they just continue thinking of me the way they did before. Someone intruding on their territory, someone not as good as them, someone who messes with the dynamic. Well do you know what I think? I think they mess with MY dynamic. Why must I surround myself with these people?

Dance. I like to dance. That is the reason I am wavering on. I know I can dance, perhaps proving them wrong would give me a good goal, a good mindset, and prove them wrong, free to leave any time I like with that satisfaction. But I don't need to prove myself to them. I can dance elsewhere. I'm self-assured. I don't need that.

I like the image. The dance team image. I liked saying I was on the team. I looked forward to wearing the jacket. But I don't need that. If I quit, I will be specifically getting away from these kinds of people that care about people like that. But I like it for the reason that it proves I can dance at one glance rather than the fact that I am on a team with popular and good looking people like "myself". I DON'T need that part, but it never hurts to have it.

I shouldn't be on the run from things that get in my way, but it is best to surround yourself with people who make you feel best, who are good people at heart.

But I don't necessarily have to hang out with them to be on dance team. I have done it so far. *laughs self-pitying and proud* I am really that impressionable so as to become like them? *laughs appreciatively* Yes! Of course I am! But if they hate me, there is no way I could become like them. For I am not one to hate myself. Although, that is why I started wanting to quit. They were messing with my self confidence, and if they can break that on me, they can break anything. I'm scared honestly. I didn't realize before. Not of them, or what they are capable of. That is nothing. Just of what I might become and what I could believe about myself. Is my current personality worth this? Although personalities change, I don't want mine to. No one ever does. I'm good, I'll stay where I am thank you. HEY NEVER MIND they can't change me. Screw that. I'm sure there are a few people who don't hate me, some of them talk, some of them smile. It's not that bad.

Maybe I won't quit. I like the exercise, I like the jackets, I love dancing, I spent all this time and effort already on it. Am I ready to go away right before all the glory and the fun?

But then again...maybe I will. I had fun while it lasted, that's basically all I wanted, some fun. But I also wanted some friends from this. I still haven't made any good friends or remote friends on the team in all this time. And it's not supposed to take this long to make a friend, there is something seriously wrong. I don't like the idea of being secretly hated and I don't like the idea of being the outcast or the weird one or the one everyone thinks is only there because this or that. I have AP and honors classes, so lots of homework. I have friends that will need to be seen on a regular basis, and I would much rather pursue Jazz at a studio.

So continue with dance team? I still haven't talked to Coach. At practice, whenever it is, I will though. I can't continue with these doubts like I have been.

here's the team last year
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jdkJAg3Xqs&feature=related

teenage rebellion

I don't need to conform myself. I don't need to look any better or act any ditsier or change my hairstyle or clothing. I don't need to do anything about this stuff. I have gotten to a place where I am comfortable with myself. I am confident. Why do they think I need to?

I don't want to be on a team that doesn't accept me.

I don't want to be on a team that hates me.

I don't want to spend a lot of my free time that I could be spending with people who enjoy time with me, with people who mutter under their breath and talk about me behind my back.

They hate people doing that to them, but they are way worse.

They are hypocritical, bitchy, superficial, stupid, over-confident, annoying, boring, badly dancing, unnecessarily criticizing teenage jerks.

I want no part of them, I just want to hang out with the people in my AP classes and go to parties and then go to college. I don't need drama, I hate it in fact. And I'm not one who says that and then purposely creates it for the excitement. I hate it, and I don't want to be in the situation where I have to defend myself constantly.

As soon as I can find coach, I'm quitting. If she can talk me out of it somehow, then great, but I'm not sure if there's much she could say that would change my mind.

I deleted all of them from my myspace account. In their world that is really important and insulting =) I expect to pay for it through more rumors and talking behind my back, but I'm expecting it. And when I get off the team, I may just do a little talking of my own about them.

some of the musical experience

I think that the most explainable musical discovery that I ever made was that 3x4=12. In the world of time signatures and counting I developed in a very intuitive way. I started in the school's orchestra 2 days a week in 4th grade on violin. In 5th I switched to viola and it changed to 3 days a week. We didn't have too much in the way of music theory besides a one-hour class once a week throughout elementary school. And what we learned about music in there was learned but didn't "click" in the minds of the students the way that is optimal.

After playing an instrument for years, I started revisiting the same basic theories that had been presented to me for years. And they made perfect sense. I realized things about counting a 4/4 time signature in triplets, making it seem as if in 3/4. And counting 1-4 only on the down beat of a 3/4 song to make it seem as if in 4/4. Then other time signatures made sense, and rhythms were able to make out without hearing it first. All of this happened so quickly because I knew all of this before, from the total immersion of music, I just didn't know exactly how to explain it in musical terms. With being able to do that, it let my mind know that I understood things. I had been so young that I didn't realize how I was learning all these things. The words made to describe what I already knew "clicked" very fast. Musical immersion at a younger age makes it so much easier, for I think that notes and pitch are something that is much harder to be learnt through literal meaning than through cognitive understanding. There is no word for a note other than higher and lower. Later in life it hard to understand the raw thought first, and the words describing it secondarily. For as we get older, we have such a beleif in our language and our surroundings that we rely on the fact that the words will tell us, and the commonality of human minds will make it so that decifering what these words really mean will be easily done.

For the longest time I didn't know what the names of the notes were. I knew the string names just from the repetition of my teachers refering to them, but for the msot part I just corrolated where the dot was on the staff to where I put my finger down. Honestly, I didn't know that a low 3rd finger on the G string was a C natural (hands down without hesitation) until about a year ago. But with adding a literal piece of information (the note name) to this highly responsive and automatic corrolation of notation and action, it changed the way I thought about music--or rather, it made me think about music for the first time.

Because of this, when I listen to classical music, sometimes I have to force myself to listen to it rather than thinking about the dynamics and tone and timing. When listening to rock and pop since being classically immersed, I find myself able to focus on the harmonies, bass line, and rythem. Sometimes I find myself having a deep respect for the melody of the lyrics. But most of all, I love how I can just listen to music. Aware of the count it's on if asked at any one point, understanding why I like the harmony, and interpreting the lyrics. I find that I enjoy songs for years if it has an interesting verse melody, but I get tired of it fast if the only good thing about the song is the semi-catchy chorus and a hook or two.

thought: all notes are the same. The same song can be started on any note, and still be recognized.
related bragging: With my eyes closed, and not using the black keys for reference my feel, I can tell, by tone, which keys on a piano are C. It helps if the piano is tuned.
unrelated yet corresponding thought: all colors are the same.

All about that for now, more later.