jazz in extremity

Wednesday I went to the last dance practice of summer. I am to start school in a few days. We have a new assistant coach for the team. She does not know any hip hop, at all.

That's a good thing. She has years of experience in ballet and jazz. I'm hoping to learn a lot of technique from her. And should I ever decide to quit dance team, her studio is only a short bus trip if I wanted to take a beginning jazz course. =)

The stretches and workout we did before learning the combination took it's toll. That day I slept on the floor (having a sleepover with a good friend) and when I woke up most of my muscles ached. That day I managed to do my laundry, but it hurt walking down the stairs. The pain is worth it, and I'll get used to the way I'm using it to dance and it won't hurt later on in the year. Plus I'll look real good doing it. yay.

Unrelated: Funny story, that morning I accidentally flushed the toilet paper spindle down the toilet. Long story short I felt a lot like this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiBpuGY6lQs&feature=related

In other jazz news, Friday night I went to see a latin-jazz band for free in a public setting. Some of the drum work was interesting. My impression was that the back up singer played the drums was better, but the lead singer on any sort of percussion got real annoying real fast. It was a relaxing and interesting background music, but I don't think that this genre will catch on in the states. I don't know how it's doing in primarily Spanish speaking countries though.

Dear Picasso,...

The impressionism show at Seattle art museum has been going on for a few weeks, and will last only another few. So as a treat before heading back to school on Tuesday, I went on a nice outing with my dad to see it and have lunch in downtown Seattle.

His father had been an artist, and so the knowledge passed down added with his own art knowledge about different styles and famous artists made for great conversation about the pieces. My own addition of the banter with interpretation and noticing of interesting perspective and detail and color seemed up to par with his, and we took our time gazing at each piece. We spent 3 or more hours there looking at them, going through the entire impressionism exhibit twice, and then took a quick tour of the modern art in the museum--most of which had been seen from our last visit.

This is my understanding of the impressionistic transition: Before impressionism, a painter's goal was to make their painting seem as realistic as possible. Even when you are not painting something that you can see in front of your canvas, something from your mind, it was considered that the more detail, the closer it looked to photography, the better the painting it was. With impressionism, people were breaking from this rule and mindset. Sometimes less is more, so to speak. You could paint your general impression of what you see (hence the name), not just what is in front of you exactly. Only one part of the picture could be in detail, others in haze to de-emphasize importance. The real-world perspective may be lost. The colors may differ. It could look more like a mosaic, have more solid color, or look as though it has been painted in a frantic or simplistic way. It's what the artist sees, only altered to give the viewer the same feeling and impression. Other artists took this to a new level with added surrealism. Impressionism developed into modern art today, which is sometimes seemingly arbitrary, representative, and minimalistic.

Anyway, that was my impression. =P

I do remember the painting "On the Wall Above" being in the museum next to the statue of the giant black mouse from my previous visit, but I hadn't read the letter in the painting. It started with "Dear Picasso," and went on describing his life and referring to the painting on the wall above (in the painting) and how he finished Picasso's unfinished painting for him. For Picasso died while painting it. The entirety of the painting was obviously in Picasso style. This made me laugh...a lot. Especially since I had overlooked the hilarity of the piece the first time around.

I got my share of culture. It's always nice to have a thing or two to be snobbish about on occasion...and I have done this! mwahaha. But I did thoroughly enjoy myself, and I did learn a lot about some famous paintings and famous artists, which is helpful and enjoyable. yay.

Here were some of my favorite paintings:

Jean-Honore Fragonard
A young girl reading

















Francisco de Goya
Still life with Golden Bream












Claude Monet
Summer













Mary Cassatt
The Family

















Pierre-Auguste Renoir
A Bather

the image

For so long it wasn't that I didn't care what people thought, but more that I didn't know or understand what people thought. Then I started caring. I don't know when I crossed this line exactly. Maybe when I stopped playing with barbies or when I got my first boyfriend. Maybe it was when someone criticized me for the first time, or when I criticized myself at first.

I have grown to have a pretty big ego. It may have happened when I started telling myself I was pretty, or when people started complimenting me. But it happened some way or another.

And through this ego and my capability to make friends rather quickly, I have come to think that, if my mind was set on it, I could fit in anywhere. I could hang out with nerds and the goths and the preps and the skaters. With the cheerleaders and the debate team and the sex-crazed boys and the honors kids. I have done all of this at one point or another. But I think that one day while I was playing yu-gi-oh in the corner with the outcasts, that the gap decided it's place and it parted. I didn't have any definite friend on the other side, it was a new school and I was just getting started. But the gap was too hard to jump and I was left on the edge of it waving.

Or at least this must have happened, because I have never had this much trouble making friends in my life. Dance team sucks.

Is it just because they are bitches?
Is it because they think I'm smart?
Is it because I dance badly?
Do they think I'm ugly?
Did they take offense to when I yelled at them and solved their problems?
Am I feeling intimidated and not going all out my awesome self to make friends?
Do I give off a weird vibe?
I mean seriously, I want to know specifically what it is.

My guess is it's the image. My personality doesn't match, I don't have the right connections, I'm a white girl with barely any hip-hop experience, and they are on the other side of my social gap. I'm not keeping up with the image. I am cute enough, I have a dancer's body, I am a quick learner, I am personable. So why am I getting hate mail?

"it is wierd that you are on the dance team and you definately stand out...in a bad way!! i'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but when one of my firends told me you were on the team, it surprised me because your really nerdy and can't dance. sorry."

"well i seen u dance (its embarrassing) and ur not evn friends with the other people on the team....u need a major makeover woman!"

"ur so ugly and nerdy"

1. these people can't even spell.
2. or construct sentences
3. or have the guts to tell me these things to my face (anonymous messages)
4. and the first person obviously wasn't on the team from context, so how would they know if I could dance?
5. and it's THEIR FAULT if I'm not friends with anyone on the team (which is not true, I have a couple people I hang with)
6. and I'm good looking...I have a better body than any of them. I don't know what they're smoking.
7. there's nothing wrong with being smart, or nerdy for that matter.
8. how the fuck would I get on the team if I couldn't dance?
9. if you wanna give me a makeover I would love one. Don't criticize if you don't want to be constructive or help me.

I was deeply hurt at first.
Then I was pissed.
Then I didn't care.
Then I wanted to quit.
But I like dancing, so screw them.

more things i dislike

As I said before, there are thing that I dislike. In addition to those things, there are these of which have come to my attention since that posting.

I hate being pestered upon the the waking of my consciousness. I can hear you, I just can't bring myself to respond in any way more than moving my legs around a little bit.

I severely dislike country music.

I hate seafood, save a few kinds of fish which are tolerable.

I hate having to pick what to wear, it's just annoying.

I hate when people leave me anonymous messages saying unnecessarily mean and nonconstructive things that are significantly far from the truth and with a bad connotation.

I hate when (and this happens quite often) I can't remember a word for something. I know there is a word for it because I remember the context it was in, and I was about to say or write it when my mind freezes up. It takes so much determination to let go of the fact that it won't come to me. Then of course and minute or and hour or a year passes and I finally remember it. Then all that weight of trying to recall comes off my shoulders.

I hate history homework. Granted, sometimes I can get into it; find an idea interesting or take pride in the detailed and long answer I gave to one of the question. But it just doesn't look appealing and it really isn't.

brain stimulation

I finished approximately 18% of the last quarter of my summer homework. And yes, I probably should have been doing the rest of it instead of spending time making that estimate--and come to think of it writing this post--but I figure it's more fun toying with statistics and talking about the work I did than it is using the brain power to decipher Machiavelli's The Prince. With a little over a week to finish the rest before school starts, and a few other commitments to fulfill before summer ends, there's not much else in the way of summer fun...*sighs*

Reading "The Prince" I start talking more and more in the way that it is written. My dad interrupted my reading with a comment and I replied, "Of which I shall do henceforth!" I don't think I used the word henceforth correctly in the context, for I think it means more of "from now on" rather than "now", but it got the idea across in any case.

A little while back I went mostly through my mom's old psychology textbook and found everything so interesting that I decided to look more into it. So a few days ago I met a friend at the library and was looking around in the psychology section. I was stunned when he commented, "This is boring, let's go to the physics section," not only because I find psychology one of the most interesting things ever, but at the fact that he was interested in physics. When I told my mom about his comment I think it made him out as a better/smarter guy than she originally made him out as, and scoring points for my friends towards my parents always helps me out in the long run.

I checked out "The Interpretation of Dreams" and "A Universe of Consciousness" for further reading. At points while reading I would laugh out loud and think something like "Freud cracks me up." I don't think it would be anything particularly hilarious to you, but in my opinion almost anything can be of hilarity when looked at in the right manner.

I haven't gotten very far in either book because of the homework, but I will make an effort to read them. More to come on them and the reflection and discussion of their subjects.

my family

Sometimes I hate them. Some people hate their family members more frequently, for longer periods of time, in more intensity and severity, and for far better reasons, but that doesn't change the fact that sometimes I hate them. You should all relate to that.

Sometimes I can't believe how similar they are to me, whether it be because of genetics or because I spend about half my time with them.

Sometimes I realize how vastly different the relationship between me and my brother are from other families and how different the parenting styles are, not only between families, but between the two of my parents.

Sometimes I realize that with the right mindset the pestering and guilting and nagging and lecturing and threatening and yelling does not get to me.

Sometimes all that stuff gets to me really badly, and it screws up life.

Sometimes I was disconnected, sometimes attached. But most of all, I was always there.

Now, I'm not as much. And it's a good feeling to be away more for the present time.

in high spirits

Life sure does look beautiful after you have finished something you have set out to do. In this case it was getting the summer homework I set out to do today finished.

It also looks this way when you are single again, and what happened at the party you went to doesn't have to be felt guilty about because of that.

And when you get an unexpected call from an awesomely good friend you can't believe you nearly forgot about, it really adds to the effect.

Especially when you are seeing your best friend tomorrow on what will most likely be one of the greatest days of her life.

Yes, life is looking up.

weed

I had planned on going to hempfest with my friend for a few months, but our lives were busy and we hadn't talked about it in weeks. She calls me Saturday morning and asks if I still want to go. So we head down to Seattle.

It was really hot, but thankfully we had water. The speakers were cool and it was very educational. Hemp surely is an amazing plant, useful for virtually everything. We sat down to listen to a half-sucky band every once in awhile. I was going to buy a few hemp bracelets but it kind of slipped my mind. When we got hungry we bought burgers and sat down on the shore looking out at the sound. Then we caught up with eachother. I had a good time.

We didn't get stoned there, but there sure were a lot of people around us taking part in that activity. I'm sure the 2nd hand high I got was enough to make the psychedelic artwork being sold look slightly more interesting.

The event booklet informed me that it was printed with soy-based ink. I was beginning to question why it smelled slightly off...

I have a souvenir. A plastic marijuana lei. It's a good alternative to a traditional lei on any occasion!

The logo here is totally awesome. Looks like a pot farm through a spy glass. And the sunny sky. Like it's saying "Pot for a brighter tomorrow."

little games

Over the years, I have come up with a few games that I play with friends frequently.

The first is called Robot. This game can be played 2 different ways, and can be played with 2-a few players. Player 1 gives player 2 the names of preferably three people (could be more or less) they mutually know. Player 2 has to explain to player 1 which of those three people is most likely to be a robot and give specific reasons. The second way to play Robot is to be in a room of people you all know, or people you don't know (perhaps if you were in a public establishment), and simply ask "Who's the robot?" And the other playmate must say who and why. It is a very entertaining game if the two of you know a lot of the same people. Tip: The people you name can also be celebrities!

The second game, which I just thought of about a week ago is called Hat Department. I have not yet played this, but I encourage you to and tell me what happens. This game is best played in malls or stores that DO NOT sell and hats (or another specific item). Go into the store (with a friend to make it the most fun) and ask someone who works there: "Would you please direct me to your hat department?" They will give you a weird look especially if it a store that only sells hats. There are so many variations of this game. You could be wearing a hat and tell them in some kind of bad fake accent "what kind of a store doesn't sell any hats?" Only one of the two playing the practical joke would wear a hat and the other would say "But you see, I'm in desperate need of a hat!" If they did direct you to their hat section then you could say "No, no, I already saw these hats, I want to see where your hat department is." or "But these are caps, I want hats!" If they say that they don't sell hats, then look at your friend with an odd look and say "What kind of a store doesn't have a hat department??" You could also ask for something completely random that they would not have in that store. Such as asking for spatulas in hot topic, or for a waffle iron in Victoria's secret. Use your imagination, and always, ALWAYS use the word department. I find it hilarious for some reason. Tip: Keep a very serious face the entire time.

This game I did not make up, a friend of mine told me about it, and with the right people, it can entertain for hours on end. We'll call it Title then Movie Give the title of a fake movie to your friend. And they have to describe what happens in that movie. It's very simple and it really takes some brain power.

This game I stole from an episode of 30 rock, which probably did not originally create it. It's called Marry, Kill, Boff. Or the shortened version, MBK. Again with this game, it involves giving the names of people that you and your playmate mutually know, whether they be celebrities, friends, or a random person that you both see at that moment. The other person must say which one of those three they would marry, which they would kill and which they would have sex with if they had to choose between the three. As long as you don't run out of people, the game goes on and on with much enjoyment. Tip: If playing in front of people you would rather not know what you are playing, then simply say the names in order of MBK when giving your answer to your friend. People will have no idea what you are doing.

Share with me your favorite sleepover-type games =) I still play Truth or Dare and Telephone and Rate That Girl/Guy and other stuff too, but I obviously did not make those up.

a weekend to remember

No, no, I did nothing bad. Just to get that idea of your heads you sick perverts. Ok maybe it was just me. If it was then shut up. Sorry I'm a little edgy after I hang out with friends. Well I'd hardly call these people friends...sure we bonded this weekend, making me feel more welcomed, but I don't particularly enjoy their company or would want to hang out with them any other place besides practice. K, enough of the let-downs, let's give you the highlights on the dance team camping trip before I forget what happened. I'll try to make it as chronological as possible.

...One person tent my ass....

We arrived at the campsite after a slightly boring drive and started setting up our tents before dark. My tent was only big enough to fit two people, but no one would believe me because it wasn't a dome tent. I decided I would only sleep in it as a last resort and try to get a place in someone else's because I didn't want to sleep alone on a trip I was supposed to be bonding on, but I set it up anyway. It took a little time to figure out how to keep both sides up as I put the metal steaks in the ground, but I still managed to finish way before everyone else and ended up helping 2 other people set up tents. One was a little confusing...but we had a lot of people there, a lot of time, and a lot of daylight to use to our advantage. Near the end of the camping trip someone actually looked inside my tent and said "Hey that WOULD have fit 3 or 4 people easily!!" Tent shapes are deceiving I suppose.

...Boo!...

The night we got there we walked out of the campsite to the highway in the dark to look at the car lights speed by and the stars twinkling in place. As we walked I hooked arms with several girls who were scared out of their wits for barely any reason. There would be a little rustle int he leaves or the coach would throw a rock to make a sound and they would all scream. Annoying? Yes, but I wouldn't want to be alone in the dark either. It was kinda scary.

...Henry Stewart the mouse's funeral was so moving...

As we made our lunch a little mousy (and it really was little) went crawling across the floor near my feet. I don't remember if I yelped, but I did pick up my feet so that it didn't "get me" or I wouldn't step on it. If I did yelp it was because everyone else was and people yelling makes me scared unless I'm also yelling. It's human nature, don't fault me. Once things calmed down, the coach picked it up with her sweatshirt and realized it had an injured leg. She thought it was going to die and she made a little home for it in a leaf near a tree. It was dead a day later and we had a small ceremony.

...(English accent) "I swear I thought that was a double scoop!"...

We took a walk up the gravel road out of camp to the ice cream shop and I had my fill of Chocolate Espresso ice cream. There was a man and his family eating dinner there that were traveling around the world from England. The single scoops served there were quite large and looked almost like a double. He proclaimed this when he received his single scoop of ice cream to everyone in the small shop, and the girls started being awed by the fact that he had an accent. It sounded more Australian to me, but he did say they just came from Australia, maybe he started slipping into the way they talk slightly? I'm not sure, it was kind of loud in there.

...I felt more like a John McLaughlin/Tyra Banks hybrid than I did Doctor Phil...

There has recently been some drama about a girl on the team. And this girl did not go on the camping trip, so the girls were left with their anger and frustration and vastly different ideas to ramble on about. Eventually I took control of the conversation, using accepted therapy devices such as a "talking stick." Nodding and agreeing like the talk show hosts I see, setting questions for everyone to answer individually and arguing like I see on the McLaughlin group. So basically, I have television to thank for this occasion. Well, besides my own philosophy and knack for figuring out what is going on and categorizing emotions. (Both my own and others). They got a bit flustered at me mid-way through for thinking that I thought I was better than they were. At that point I just shut my mouth completely until they really wanted to hear what I had to say. It did take awhile actually for them to realize I had it all figured out, but after I said what I did, all anyone had to say was how much they agreed with each other. I summed up and had a solution to their entire conversation into one sentence after hours of babble and yelling. I'm quite impressed with myself.

...HOLY FUCK THAT'S COLLLLLLLLD...

The last day of camp after breakfast we headed out with our 2-person teams for a scavenger hunt. The fact that my team (name: The Insane Squirrels) ended up winning is beside the point. Finding the leaves and rocks and flowers and all that was easy also. It was the clay that was difficult. Across the river were some clay beds which we were supposed to swim over to, and it was freezing in there. If you have ever been in a river I suppose you know, but it was so cold I started hyperventilating when the water level went past my stomach. I got out, discussed it with the coach, and she said that you just had to get used to it. So after a bit of standing waist them shoulder deep in the water, 3 of the girls including myself swam across. At one point some water got in my eyes and I closed them momentarily. When I opened them I realized that the current had brought me down the river further than I had expected in that shirt time and it scared the shit out of me. So I started kicking and stroking with much more force than I had been. The other two girls were on the shore finally and I was like oh shit I'm gonna drown I'm not there yet! I was very scared, it was freezing. Then I realized that I had been swimming for about 3 yards in fairly shallow water, enough to stand up in. And all the worries passed away and I felt that rush that people talk about when they risk their lives. I started walking to where the other girls were on the clay bed, but the clay was so slippery I honestly spent about 3 minutes trying to get over there. I eventually asked for the other girl's hand and she just advised me where to place my foot and I grabbed a hold of a tree branch. Swimming back across I barely remember, it was a lot less scary now that I knew I could do it. But still worrisome because I knew that I was more tired than I had been going across the first time. There were congratulations from the coach and the girls who decided not to go, and I was thoroughly ready for my clay facial.


...MMMMM....Smores...

We spent quote a bit of our time on the trip around the camp fire playing games, telling stories, eating, throwing stuff in the fire, roasting things, and talking. I was happy about the smores =) I think that's all I had to say about that.

...R&B? I think not, Jazz is where it's at...

On the way home we went into what they referred to as (and I am sure it was) the world's smallest church. It really was small. Anyway I decided to take shot-gun in the car because I rode in the back the way there. Riding in the passenger seat I had complete control of the radio, which was my thought when I jumped in. The girls in the back kept requesting their favorite Rap and R&B stations. They even requested a little alternative rock which I didn't mind, nor did I the techno. And I'm a nice person, when they request it I say sure and switch it, but when the Rap got to me I switched it to my favorite jazz station every now and then. They got kind of tired of it, but it was soothing, which is just what I needed after the long weekend.

...Does anyone have any hand "satinizer"?...

It was fun over-all, I can finally tell the identical twins on the team apart from each other. I think that's good. One of them has a lot of funny ideas. She had a dyslexic pronunciation of sanitizer and thought that owls were mythical creatures. Yeah. I feel like I am starting to sink down to their conversation standards, and speaking standards. I don't want to be one of those people who say "like" three times a sentence or seems like a ditz...but I am afraid that I will become that when I start being around these people more and more. Well at least they challenge me dance-wise.

OFF TOPIC ALERT!!!: i think my mom is watching american idol rewind o.O lmao