i am not in denial

I have been told that I give good advice.

But I have also been told, although not that much, that I overstep my ground on advice; that I don't know what I'm talking about yet I still give them my opinion.

Some think I do this because I feel superior to them and I think that my first instinct is more valid than theirs. Some think I do this because I am just too good a person for my own good. Is it because I feel guilty if I don't help them? Is it because I don't deal with confrontation well? Is it because I have a fear of inconveniencing people?

Regardless of why I do it, or the connotation it gives off, is it an OK thing to do?

In a lot of cases, I help people. And even if they don't like my solution at the time, they thank me for it later. In a lot of cases I really don't know what their best choice would be. But I do know most likely what I would do and I let them see their options. I know that if I did not know all my options that I would often be making the wrong choice. And if they do not see all the options they have and the possible outcomes, then I fear they will make the wrong decision. It's like I am projecting my own fear of wrong decisions onto my friends, and I use the best of my ability to help them know if they are making the wrong one. It's better to know where you made the mistake than wonder where your life went to shit.

I am a fanatic about these things. If I have a decision to make, I either completely ignore it because of my lack of time and mental stability and focus and determination to accurately and thoroughly find a solution, or I plow through it. I find every minuscule thing that could and will go wrong and I have a set plan in my head so that I may act quickly when the moment comes to proclaim or take action on my decision.

With consulting people about problems, I am often "playing psychiatrist." With close friends it is more personal, more emotional. But if I don't feel connected with the person, I become a little harsh in my statements about their options, especially if it is a defining decision in their life.

If the problem they have is more philosophical, less critical, more emotional, I usually just be contrary for the hell of it. It makes them realize that their first instinct was right or it makes them rethink their entire situation. And I realize now that this is also most likely a psychiatric technique. This method does not work with very waffling and mentally unstable people. They often get overwhelmed with the options I put before them and become more distressed. If my plan backfires on me like that, then I give them my interpretation, and it usually sounds something like a-this: "Don't worry about it for now, relax, listen to some music. If ___ happens then ____. But if not then just remember, and this is the most important part, to definitely NOT ____."

In the end I feel kind of like a teacher, wanting them to answer the question themselves. Somewhat like a lawyer, trying to convince them of what I think is the best way to go about things. A lot like a nurse, helping them recuperate And on many occasions a bit too manipulating for my taste, like a lion tamer.

I find it sickening to leave someone in the lurch, heartless to not respond, or to make them (or make them think they need to) hide their feelings and problems. I think the satisfaction of helping them isn't a big part of it. I honestly feel their pain, and if I can't bring myself to do that, not ever being in a situation remotely the same, I share their fear, and worry about them.

But I wonder, why do people come to me with problems? Do I appear comforting? Am I the only friend they have that wouldn't belittle them or hurt them? Do I encourage them to tell me too much? I'm not complaining, talking to people about their problems is one of the biggest things about me, I've been doing it since 4th grade with the girl who could not for the life of her say "no" to someone. Maybe even before that.